this is TOO FUNNY!!!

Satire: Troop morale boosted by surprise visit from First Dog

POSTED: 4:12 a.m. EST, November 30, 2006

Editor's note: This may look like a real news story, but it's NOT. It is from the The Onion, a humor publication that calls itself "America's finest news source." CNN may beg to differ, but we do enjoy a good laugh, and hope you will enjoy a weekly selection of their satire.

BAGHDAD, Iraq (The Onion) -- U.S. troops stationed in Iraq hailed an unannounced and unaccompanied visit Monday from Barney, the senior White House dog who belongs to President Bush and First Lady Laura Bush.
Landing in Baghdad's Green Zone amid extremely tight security, the Scottish terrier met with nearly 800 troops at a military mess hall, then visited Camp Victory, the U.S. military headquarters on the outskirts of Baghdad. In both locations, the 6-year-old First Dog was greeted with loud cheers and standing ovations by servicemen and women.
"Barney's visit really cheered us all up," said Army Spc. Anthony Udall, who was given the privilege of escorting Barney across the airport tarmac. "I can't tell you how great it is that the White House would send one of its own to spend some time with us out here."
Although was in Iraq for less than a day, he maintained a busy schedule while there. Events included handshakes with top U.S. field commanders, a tour of the base's new recreation facility, and a ride in an armored vehicle. Besides sitting and staying at a military briefing, Barney also participated in the ground-breaking for a new visitors reception center at Camp Victory, during which he energetically dug alongside camp officials.
"As soon as he stepped off the plane, it was clear he was interested in what was happening on the ground here," said Gen. George Casey, commander of Multi-National Force-Iraq who met with the First Dog in the courtyard outside his office at Camp Victory. "He seemed extremely enthusiastic about the whole situation and he was even visibly excited about some of the progress we're making."
But the visit's highlight was the First Dog's encounter with soldiers, who were clearly taken with his presence. Sitting with his head cocked to one side, he listened intently to the soldiers' concerns before receiving a treat and a pat on the head. Barney showed further solidarity with the troops by accepting an impromptu invitation to a belated Thanksgiving feast, during which he impressed servicemen and women with his hearty, nondiscriminating appetite.
The First Dog also received a tummy rub courtesy of the 100th Infantry Battalion.
Barney's appearance marks the first time a high-ranking Bush Administration official has toured the war-torn nation since Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld's visit in April.
"Barney seemed very genuine and sincere, like he was really into being here," said Pfc. Steven Koch, who participated in a photo op with the First Dog. "The fact that he took time out of his busy schedule to play ball with me and my buddies means the world to us. It's nice to see a happy face from home."
Added Koch, "He's a good boy."
During his visit, Barney impressed top military leadership with his attentiveness and steadfastness, yet he tactfully avoided addressing such highly charged issues as extended tours of duty and the shortage of effective body armor.
Critics say the visit diverted time and energy away from Barney's domestic responsibilities. Yet a statement issued today by the White House defended the decision to send Barney to Iraq, saying it was "the absolute least this administration could have done for the brave men and women fighting for freedom" in Iraq.
The statement also pointed to the success of the January 2006 visit of the Bushes' other Scottish terrier, Miss Beazley, to troops serving in Kandahar Province, Afghanistan, and, in November 2005, the favorable reception given to Ofelia, their Crawford, TX-based Longhorn cow, in areas devastated by Hurricane Katrina.

The First Dog Barney, the highest-ranking official to visit Iraq in months, had a full schedule:
8 a.m. Morning walk with generals on the ground
9 a.m. "Sit-down" with troops
10:30 a.m. Game of catch
12 p.m. Lunch, photo ops
1 p.m. Bathroom break
1:05 p.m. Moment of silence for fallen soldiers
2 p.m. Treats

© 2006 Cable News Network LP, LLLP.A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved.

this made me cry:

NEW YORKER

IN THE MUSEUMS
DO NOT TOUCH
by Nick Paumgarten
Issue of 2006-11-27Posted 2006-11-20
Before Nuria Chang went blind, at the age of eight, she had wanted to be an artist. When she was one, she could draw a human figure; at four, she was using perspective to sketch her bedroom. Still, by the time she lost her eyesight she had never really seen any art, so she grew up with no sense of what it was supposed to look like. (She is from Ecuador, and moved to New York in 1963.) That changed around fifteen years ago, when a ceramics instructor escorted her to the Museum of Modern Art, stood her in front of a sculpture, and encouraged her to touch it. In violation of the museum’s rules, she reached out and felt what seemed to be a leg. This was a human figure, apparently. She felt some more, then exclaimed, “Oh, it’s a naked man!”
Since then, Chang has become a MOMA regular. She often visits under the auspices of a museum program for people who are sight-impaired. A lecturer leads them through the galleries, describes paintings to them, and encourages them to touch a few sculptures. There have been no mishaps, although there was one session, in the sculpture garden, when a visitor’s Seeing Eye dog relieved itself.
Chang is now a sculptor, but at MOMA she has come to favor the paintings of Picasso. “If I could see, I’d be painting something similar,” she said. “I still think in color. When a person talks to me, I visualize his face, and as he pronounces words I imagine his lips.”
One morning earlier this month, Chang and six others who were either blind or partially blind gathered on the fifth floor of the museum. Along with their lecturer, Amir Parsa, a poet and a writer, they had the galleries to themselves. They gathered around a Seurat—“Port-en-Bessin” (1888)—and Parsa began to describe it, in a didactic and modulating tone: “The very bottom third is what you might think of as land; a body of water occupies the upper two-thirds. That bottom third is a greenish earth-color tone that suggests this landmass to us, and above that we have bluish hues that determine this watery body. You really have a lot of horizontals.” It was hard to see it, if you couldn’t see it, but the visitors were rapt, re-creating Seurat on the gallery walls of their minds. “He actually uses only dots, small dots,” Parsa went on. “He uses the very tip of the brush to create what we just described as a scene, and he does not mix colors, meaning that these small dots, juxtaposed with each other, in a complementary manner, create this effect.”
“Excuse me,” Chang said. “So when the artist wants to create different shades of color he will use primary colors and mix those dots so that from far away it will look like different shades?” Parsa nodded. “And also,” Chang went on, “what I feel is that maybe the shapes are not perfect, but our imagination adds to them and makes them perfect.”
The next stop was a series of sculptures by Matisse—five heads of Jeannette. A sign next to them read “Please Do Not Touch.” Parsa described the progression from one head to the next. Then everybody put on polyethylene gloves and began touching. The gloves made a rustling sound. This group tended to start with the small features and proceed to a fuller caress of the entire head, a sense of the whole proceeding from its parts. A man named Dennis Sparacino, a professional singer and a “dedicated decadent,” pinched Jeannette’s nostrils, felt her lips, then her chin and eyes and cheekbones, and only then did he wrap his hands around the skull. Moving on to the next head, he mistakenly touched the arm of the man to his right—“That’s actually Richard,” someone told him—and then went for Jeannette’s nostrils again. “This one looks ugly,” he said. “This is—not as nice a nose.” He pretended to choke one, exclaiming, “I told you to stop that!”
They huddled up for some commentary. Sparacino said, “I’m not sure the artist knew what he was doing. I can see no reason for his taking these turns.”
“I have another view,” Chang said, with some curtness. “I feel that the artist is trying to convey that things are not the way they seem, that things may change as your feelings toward them change.” It was her theory that Jeannette had spurned Matisse, and that this had altered his view of her.
“I have a question for Nuria,” Sparacino said. “If Jeannette lost interest in him, did he get even with her?” Chang shrugged.
The next stop was a Duchamp readymade. Parsa’s depiction was brief: “It is an actual bicycle wheel with its forks still in, turned upside down and thrust into a white four-legged wooden stool.” One by one, his charges stepped forward and fondled the components. A woman gave the wheel such a brisk spin that the work nearly toppled; museum staff jumped in to steady it. Chang touched the spokes and said, “Two words come to mind: motion and stationary.”
“You can get from this whatever your mind leads you to,” Sparacino replied. Another member of the group announced that in her opinion Chang and Sparacino, regardless of their aesthetic differences, always had astute things to say. Everyone nodded.
After the tour was done, Chang said of Sparacino, “The thing is, I don’t think Dennis was ever into doing art. We don’t talk about art, he and I. We hardly ever talk. We only see each other in the museum.”

today was:

eating yesterday's leftover
pies for b'fast
walking around harvard
meeting up with an old friend who i haven't communicated with for the last 10 years!

oh and getting embarrassed at the local staples for asking for a product that was "sold out in 3 minutes, exactly at 6:03 AM." (for the record, that wasn't me, but my brother!)

ha haaaaaaa

today i ate:

• turkey
• stuffing
• butternut squash thingy
• sweet potato
• mashed potato
• green beans casserole thingy
• cornmeal thingy
• cranberry sauce
• red wine
• sparkling apple cider
• crackers (& cheese, but i couldn't have the cheese)
• lactose-free eggnog
• pecan pie
• pumpkin pie
• apple pie

*PLOP*

oh I TOTALLY FORGOT that i had my first in-the-face racial slur thrown at me the other night.

it was friday after the sg...from tina's! i was coming out of her apt, 85th & 1st, walking towards 86th street to get the bus and then this black guy passes me and says:

YOU F-ING GOOK!

i think i was in shock cuz i didn't realize he threw that at me for at least 10 sec. i looked behind me only after that and nobody was behind me!!!

i'm sure i've been called names at least behind my back, whether racial or not, but this was a real shocker. i can't believe i forgot all about this until now!!!!

it's been almost a month since i've joined second life. last night, i searched under "church" and i got a ton of mormon churches, etc but only a couple of "christian" churches. this is the "snapshot" from the front of one of the churches that offer counseling, prayer room, etc. pretty cool huh? (that winged creature is ME!)

took the V to work this morning. when i got out, i smelled evergreens. i was like, no....but they there were at citicorp center! they're putting out the christmas decorations. awwww i love christmas!

i got myself a roommate - and this time, no kidding, cuz right in front of me is the roommate agreement & the security deposit! she moves in dec 15. so i have nov.15 to dec 14 free. i should have a party.

i miss playing the piano, i miss playing concerts. i miss music!

coming saturday is my Open House - for roommate choosin. I've gotten some strange but 'Okay' emails from folks overseas, including australia! (hi, i'm moving in February, can i live there?) i'm hoping to settle this soon so i don't have to bother with it. i am actually missing my old roommate who was pretty morose & depressing but nonetheless stayed out of my way, no passive-aggressiveness.

just for the heck of it, i've "opened" up the pool to both women AND men. we'll see what happens.

more roommate saga - if that's even possible:

i wake up this morning, go to the bathroom but the bathroom is closed. that means someone's in there. i look towards my roomie's door & it's closed too. so i'm thinking what the. i go closer to the bathroom door and there's a sign - with a drawing on it. i get closer to read and this is what it said:

"Seapea: i saw a waterbug in the bathroom last night. i sealed everything." with a drawing of something that's supposed to be (i'm guessing) the waterbug's size with the label: "<--- actual size" next to it.

she sealed the entire doorway!!! so i had to open everything and of course there was no waterbug. the waterbug probably got scared of her and went somewhere else. and then i see the cabinet under the sink is all shut & sealed - AS IF the waterbug can OPEN the cabinet doors by itself! if anything, she should've sealed the edges of the bathroom tile & the cabinet itself on the floor, not the doors! sheesh.

yes it's gross to see a bug of any kind. yes, it's freaky. but...

good luck living in manhattan!

from today's NY Times:

November 7, 2006
A Neuroscientific Look at Speaking in Tongues
By BENEDICT CAREY
The passionate, sometimes rhythmic, language-like patter that pours forth from religious people who “speak in tongues” reflects a state of mental possession, many of them say. Now they have some neuroscience to back them up.
Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania took brain images of five women while they spoke in tongues and found that their frontal lobes — the thinking, willful part of the brain through which people control what they do — were relatively quiet, as were the language centers. The regions involved in maintaining self-consciousness were active. The women were not in blind trances, and it was unclear which region was driving the behavior.
The images, appearing in the current issue of the journal Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, pinpoint the most active areas of the brain. The images are the first of their kind taken during this spoken religious practice, which has roots in the Old and New Testaments and in charismatic churches established in the United States around the turn of the 19th century. The women in the study were healthy, active churchgoers.
“The amazing thing was how the images supported people’s interpretation of what was happening,” said Dr. Andrew B. Newberg, leader of the study team, which included Donna Morgan, Nancy Wintering and Mark Waldman. “The way they describe it, and what they believe, is that God is talking through them,” he said.
Dr. Newberg is also a co-author of “Why We Believe What We Believe.”
In the study, the researchers used imaging techniques to track changes in blood flow in each woman’s brain in two conditions, once as she sang a gospel song and again while speaking in tongues. By comparing the patterns created by these two emotional, devotional activities, the researchers could pinpoint blood-flow peaks and valleys unique to speaking in tongues.
Ms. Morgan, a co-author of the study, was also a research subject. She is a born-again Christian who says she considers the ability to speak in tongues a gift. “You’re aware of your surroundings,” she said. “You’re not really out of control. But you have no control over what’s happening. You’re just flowing. You’re in a realm of peace and comfort, and it’s a fantastic feeling.”
Contrary to what may be a common perception, studies suggest that people who speak in tongues rarely suffer from mental problems. A recent study of nearly 1,000 evangelical Christians in England found that those who engaged in the practice were more emotionally stable than those who did not. Researchers have identified at least two forms of the practice, one ecstatic and frenzied, the other subdued and nearly silent.
The new findings contrasted sharply with images taken of other spiritually inspired mental states like meditation, which is often a highly focused mental exercise, activating the frontal lobes.
The scans also showed a dip in the activity of a region called the left caudate. “The findings from the frontal lobes are very clear, and make sense, but the caudate is usually active when you have positive affect, pleasure, positive emotions,” said Dr. James A. Coan, a psychologist at the University of Virginia. “So it’s not so clear what that finding says” about speaking in tongues.
The caudate area is also involved in motor and emotional control, Dr. Newberg said, so it may be that practitioners, while mindful of their circumstances, nonetheless cede some control over their bodies and emotions.

it's been 16 hrs since i've been up. a Hello from boston! last 12 hrs, i've been holding the baby, cooing the baby, strolling with the baby, getting on my knee & cleaning the new house, bathtub, kitchen, lining drawers, etc. I AM BEAT!!!

tomorrow, Day 2 of Cleaning & Settling the Park family in Boston. and tomorrow, i actually have do some work at WGBH, a local Boston station, where a quartet of ours is being interviewed.

i dunno how young couples w/o families near by do it...cuz i CAN"T! and i'm not even a mommy!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UNbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the girl who was supposed to become my new roommate emailed me early this morning saying she can't, because she needs more room and the room is too small. this is after i've deleted all the ads on-line. WHATEV!!!!

back to the drawing board.