today's the 5th day in boston - it's time to come home. this morning (and it's still morning), my brother started the rampage on how inferior everyone is, including my sister-in-law's friends. this is going to be one great household for my nephew to grow up in. i mean, i understand all families have problems and stuff, but how to deal with a dad (or in that matter, a husband) who'll constantly think all your friends are inferior?

this was a part of my parents' problems raising us: we couldn't even go to other kids' houses, because they weren't good enough for us. this is terrible of parents.

i can't wait to go to my tiny little apartment.

i'm laughing: my nephew's been running around for 30 min straight, screaming in happiness - totally randomly.

i'm scared.

i don't understand how most women don't wear rubber gloves when cleaning/washing dishes. i've been wearing a very "poor" one here in boston and my hands actually HURT - the skin feels like it's gonna tear and i'm very worried & sad. i've been applying a ton of hand cream but i don't know, it just gets sucked in and still hurts.

am i a princess?

poor hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life is tough with a baby. my nephew is adorable but high-maintenance. he's the energizer bunny 24/7 and he started the tantrums and he's only 20 months old. actually, he started the tantrums awhile back, when he was about 12 months old, so we saw it coming but now he's much faster and harder when tantruming. yikes.

he's the sweetest baby too, always coming to kiss you or hug you and when he sees a baby or kids or toddlers, he RUNS to them and touches them and hugs them and most often, the parents go "what the @$)(*t#$)(*t!!!!!" but some babies & parents like it. weird huh?

life in the 'burbs continues here on day 3, with going to malls, watching tv, dancing to baby music, playing house with nephew, working periodically, dancing more to baby music and clapping, doing dishes, laundry, more dishes, more laundry, never ending baby bathes, etc...

i dunno if this is the life for me!

i read the new york times every morning as i commute to work. i can never finish as my commute is pretty short. so i continue reading it at work and then chuck them.

i'm thinking of not reading the paper for the next 2 weeks.

i'm sick of seeing ads after ads about this diamond ring, that diamond bracelet, this leather handbag, that boots, etc. it's all about sales, all about what you "need," and what you have to get. like any consumer (=suckers), sure, i'd love those too. i want them, because i keep seeing it in the paper: page 3, always top right hand corner, tiffany's. page 2, bottom middle, cartier watches and the list goes on. i can't stand it. i just may have to boycott news for the next 10 days.

but then, i guess i can't listen to 106.7 Lite FM for christmas music either because it plays josh UGH groban and andrea PUKE bocelli.

can't please 'em all i guess.

i like to put in staples into staplers.

i feel very blessed tonight - but also very vulnerable. having a good friend makes you feel that.

my friend L is visiting from her native mexico city. we talked for 3 hrs tonight: first 1.5 hrs about her life; then she pressed me for mine. i gave my usual tidbit: life is dandy, i'm blessed, love my church, life goes on.

she kept pressing.

what ended up happening was 1.5 hrs well spent, not just talking about myself but really being honest with myself. i realized a lot tonight: i am very good at truly hiding myself, what bothers me, what makes me joyous, what makes me....i don't know, just everything. it's been awhile since i've had to totally face myself in front of another HUMAN being. many years of practicing "life is fine," has turned into "everything will be fine, if i keep avoiding my own issues."

it's my pride that keeps myself "in check." it's my unrealistic perfectionism that keeps me "in line." but it seems like a house of cards right now.

i feel incredibly foolish right now, yet i feel more focused.

a poem by vera pavlova

If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.

i cry a lot while watching movies, even tv shows. friends know of this. family thinks it's a personal weakness. today i cried in the middle of the afternoon, because i saw a great movie: August Rush.

expectations were low, very low. i honestly didn't think it was worth $11.25.

okay, to be completely and brutally honest, i don't know if it's worth $11.25. it can be a small screen stuff.

i think it touched me - many times - because of the story. without spoiling the movie, i can just say that it has to do with music, quitting music, teaching music, playing again, on top of everything else that goes on. and i just plain liked the story. good music too. very touching. i highly recommend it.

feeling very up from the movie :)

went to the thrice concert last night, except it wasn't to be. tres disappointing. then sat through the brand new set, which wasn't as good as their studio recordings. overall disappointing on a bitterly cold night. might have to go some other cities to catch them! hmph. i got brand new on the video for a few secs but i don't feel like posting it, only cuz they weren't so great to begin with. do all bands use orange lights for "light show" or were they trying to immitate massive attack? if they were trying to do the latter, well...find some other idea, cuz it doesn't really work.

beautiful saturday morning sky in my neighborhood.

my annual advent christmas candle has been lit as of this morning, along with christmas carols. YAYYAYAYAY