listening to 2 sermons by sinclair ferguson this morning: 1 on james 1 and one on colossians 3. he is SO AWESOME!

okay i'll just come right out & say it: I'M TIRED of WAITING on people. whether i'm HOME or WORK or TEACHING, i am waiting on people: not literally waiting for them to show up, but waiting on their NEEDS. why must i always be the one to PICK-UP, FOLLOW-UP, INITIATING, etc.? i know that i'm very GOOD at it, but c'mon people: STEP-UP. i need a break.

even with all my good intention of wanting to be a full-time piano teacher, times like now really give me a pregnant pause. my little piano students' recital is coming up in about 10 days and tears are flowing freely as well as indignantly pursed little lips. i don't know how mothers do it and i don't know how full-time teachers (of any subject) do it. you want to be able to cater to each child's individuality, but even with 5 students, i'm having a hard time. and this recital is at someone's home, not even in a hall! so there's nothing to arrange, in terms of logistics. but brother, if this happens with 5, then i don't know how i would deal with some 30+ kids that i'd eventually like to have. i'm discouraged. and my work possibly not being able to move to an upper east side office in july has also discouraged me. perhaps god doesn't want me go "down that road" - i'm praying and being faithful, but i have to admit that it is discouraging. how many times have i typed "discouraing"?? i'm going to go repent now.