i enjoyed a concert last night with my friends at baryshnikov arts center, of hearing the casals quartet playing some kurtag & beethoven. i wasn't so hot on their beethoven but all in all, a good outing and a good time afterwards at a diner.

once my piano teacher at school told me that what you hear in your head needs to be translated into what you play, meaning what you think you hear in your head needs to be interpreted to what you produce on the piano. oh how many hours were spent trying to coax out what my head thought of a certain phrasing into reality! but it's true, that's what one must do. if you don't hear it in your head, of how it should be shaped, how it should be played, then you really have no guidance. if you're an artist and there's no internal "standard" (if you will), well, then you can't be an artist.

i was thinking of that last night as i was listening to the beethoven quartet. it's like that with one's spiritual journey, i guess. what you know in your head (knowledge) needs to be translated into your every day behavior and actions. otherwise, it's of no use to know it. and that's the hard part and that's where hours of "practicing" will have to happen.

it's a daunting thought but it's what it is!

today was my sojourn to the the Rockaways - and i'll say this - it was far, but oh so worth it!

i'll share with you of my journey in detail as i recommend the same trip for all.


first of all, it was a gorgeous day for a mini-trip!!!! okay here we go:

3:18 PM - i boarded the 4 train from 86th street-Lex stop (i was teaching before that). i was all ready with some pastries and a bottle of water. prior to my trip, i was given all sorts of advice: DON"T GO THERE! IT"S DANGEROUS! IT"S FAR! so, w/o the recommended mace, flashlight and other gadgets, i went ahead

3:36 PM - i caught the A train at Fulton Street/Brooklyn-Nassau station...but...


i had to get off at High St/Brooklyn Bridge stop (1st stop in Brooklyn) because i realized that i need the A train for "Far Rockaway," not "Ozone Park"

3:44 PM - i finally caught the right one and settled in for a long trip. i noticed that the train was full of all ethnicities, but i was the only of the EASTERN origin.

i started to listen to D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' sermon on Ignorance, Prejudice based on 1 Tim chapter 1 (Paul was prejudiced and blinded by ignorance, and MLJ used that example in comparison to the non-believers of this time. "They don't see the fact, defensive in their unbelief" etc.)

i noticed a crazy looking man (isn't there always at least ONE in your subway car?) reading a Hilary Duff fan magazine (yes, that's what the cover said). he was around in his 60's. yes, i'm not kidding

4:05 PM - just passed the Grant Avenue stop and then train went above ground!

4: 07 PM - just passed the 80th Street stop and first thing i see? A HUGE & VAST CEMETERY. found out it's a jewish cemetery (no link available for those who are truly morbid, and morbidly curious, yours truly included)

4:15 PM - houses near the Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge are big with boats - some are in bad shape but can you believe that i went through a "wildlife refuge" - within 10 miles of manhattan??

anyway, i was riding on the train parallel to the cross bay veterans memorial bridge (for cars) - it seems like a long one - probably a lovely drive during the summer

4:23 PM - arrival at Broad Channel station and started to wait for the S train to take me to Rockaway Park Beach 116 St stop. if it was during the summer, i could've taken a seasonal A train to that stop, all the way from the city, but because it's not, that A line only goes to the other side of the Rockaways (north) - which i was told to stay away from.

now do you see the seagull in the next picture? yes, i actually saw a seagull flying around the subway station...that meant i was near nature! perhaps if one lives near Coney Island you'll see something like this...MTA & seagull existing peacefully together...

4:29 PM - the S train (which is only 4 cars long) sped through the jamaica bay area. here are some pictures

after Beach 90 St stop, i started to see the Manhattan skyline so so clearly! it was actually so gorgeous! and it looked so tiny...and my thought was "and we all live there?? that's just crazy!!!"

4:37 PM - arrival in Rockaway Park Beach 116 St stop!

okay, so even counting the conductor, i was the 3rd and the last person coming off the train. i guess not many people come this way.

after coming out of the small subway stop, it looked like i was on 116th Street, which looked like a happening place. i spotted a Dunkin Donuts and a firehouse among many chinese restaurants and other mom & pops stores (i am being sarcastic...)

population-wise, it was all white - very strange, as my ride TO was pretty black. i felt like i was transported to some other era. everybody was all so friendly.

since i'm a right-y, i looked to my right. sure enough, a friendly store sign, that you know that you'll be okay. i'm talking about DUANE READE - OPEN 24 HOURS. so naturally, i walked towards that. that and also i saw the water, towards manhattan. it happened to be a park:

it's called the Tribute Park - for the fallen 9/11 heros - how fitting as it overlooks the Manhattan skyline.

then i walked back towards the station, asked how i can get to Fort Tilden, which they had no idea what i was talking about. i asked about the Park and they said, oh go over there. good thing it's pretty condensed (concise?) there, because i actually knew what they meant. i took Q22 (i was getting confused because i had just taken the A train through brooklyn, but then i realized, i crossed the borough line and now i'm back in queens) down the Rockaway Beach Blvd to Jacob Riis Park, which is near where i wanted to go.

to my utter but happy surprise, the houses on the Rockaway Beach Blvd were gorgeous, pristine and victorian. HUGE and well-kept, the streets reminded me of the houses in San Diego

passed 2 large synagogues. and i was the only passenger in the new bus - i felt like he was my driver! sure enough, he started to chat with me, and i found a ton of stuff! that:

• this peninsula (NOT an island!) used to be part of Long Island (not part of Queens) and had a different name!
• breezy point is the area name for the military base which is now defunct but for some reason people still live "inside of the base" (and i saw too)
• that those houses i just saw are true victorian houses, renovated (therefore huge), usually handed down by generation to generation, millions of dollars!!
• that in order to get to fort tilden (the place i wanted to go - read that article i linked under fort tilden above), one must walk (or bike)
• and beyond fort tilden is ANOTHER residential area, which you can only get by driving and very exclusive and that there's a mini shuttle bus that leaves right in front of the train station for $1 to whisk people there (now i'm curious)
• that there used to be a ferry service between the Rockaways and South Street Seaport
• when i asked about summer beach goers, whether if it'll be really crowded, he said, not really. not many people know about to come here

he was wondering if i were a journalist because i was taking photos of everything and writing down what he was saying! ha ha. he was flattered that someone from "the city" would come visit just for the sake of it. he said it's a great little neighborhood. and he was maybe in his 30's, a nice dude. friendliest MTA bus driver yet!

then i got off the breezy point final stop on the bus and he pointed to the STATE beach (jacob riis park), which looked pretty close so i started to walk...

it was about 10-15 min walk TO the beach, but it was so worth it! it was very isolated for me to walk there...but this is what i wrote in my journal later:

Beach was so tranquil and deserted. It was as if civilization didn't catch up to it. Seagulls lazing around, only moving as crashing waves came in - big cruise liners sitting majestically in the ocean, Atlantic Ocean! and to have sand beneath my shoes/feet in the middle of winter, while blistering wind slapping me in the face was exhilarating. I picked up 2 broken shells off of the beach and I felt so loved and treasured by my creator. Dusk was setting into the sand dunes and as I walked for another 10-15 min back to the bus, i felt a mix of apprehension of being so completely isolated and feeling so one with the nature.

earlier on, i had spotted a diner right near the train station, named (somewhat appropriately, i think) Last Stop Gourmet Shop. i went in, totally empty of course, but oh so friendly, and i ordered a beef gyro, without tomato. they gave me a magnet that was in a shape of a train with their name on it. ha!

coming back was a breeze, now that i've experienced it so far. i listened to D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' Power of Persecution (on Acts - first days of early church planting - and how churches these days should think, etc.)

overall, i highly recommend this trip. it's a lovely little getaway and it was really peaceful to be somewhere so far yet so close. A trains were pretty zippy too and i was surprised that so many people in the Rockaways were asking "how are you" to me. a true small town sign.

if any of you would like to see the pictures i took, please let me know. it was fun! and relaxing :)

what a great night!

look at 5th avenue...

had a wonderful time at my concert #1 (outta 8 in February) last night at Zankel. baroque music is sooooo awesome! beautifully sung and played. too many kissings though by the conductor. at one point, he actually shrugged his gallic shoulders and said from the stage,"i'm french." ha!

i'm obsessed with:

good luck trying to find it!

happy ash wednesday!

Psalm 51
Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love;according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. 6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. 7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. 14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; 19 then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

isn't this a beautiful hall? it's the rose theater @ jazz@lincoln center.

a few things tonight:

1. i saw this on the subway. someone's actually transporting a bookcase on the R train

2. just cuz one can at 10:05 PM, one should not eat a big piece of rice krispie treats. it's quite gross (like how i feel right now)

i just wrote a big one and deleted because suddenly i realized that blogging really is a waste of HUGE time. unless i'm steadily providing some insightful information, except for my own record-keeping, it's not worth any time for anything, really.

should i stop?

i love them. if i were a smurf, i'd be a...moody smurfette (or a Crazy Smurfette)

Happy birthday, Smurfs!
BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) -- The Smurfs -- led by Papa Smurf and Smurfette -- kicked off a year of 50th birthday celebrations Monday with Smurfberry cake and sasparilla juice.
The late cartoonist Pierre Culliford -- best known by his pen name, "Peyo" -- first introduced the tiny blue figures in a comic strip in October 1958. He called them Schtroumpf; they became known worldwide as the Smurfs.
The Smurfs, forest dwellers who live in little white-capped mushroom homes, developed their own "Smurf" language in which nouns and verbs were interchanged.
Their debut on U.S. television in 1981 launched their global rise to stardom and made the Smurfs a household name. A Smurf is a Pitufo in Spanish, a Schlumpf in German, Nam Ching Ling to the Chinese, a Sumafa in Japan and Dardassim in Hebrew.
"I think that if he could see all that has been done with his characters since his death and the success and interest that the Smurfs still attract, he would be very, very, very, very happy and very proud," said Peyo's son, Thierry Culliford.
To mark 50 years of Smurfdom, organizers are planning everything from a 3-D animation feature film expected to be released next year to new comic book collections and a remastered release of the popular 1980s television animated series, Peyo's family said.
Peyo's widow and two children will help kick off a European birthday tour in Brussels. The Smurfs celebration will continue in Paris and Berlin.
The Smurfs also will team up with the UNICEF to promote children's rights and education worldwide, said Yves Willemont of UNICEF Belgium.
"The Smurfs and UNICEF have a lot of values in common -- values about joy, happiness and respect," Willemont said. "We also have in common the fact that we are dedicated to the cause of children and to the promotion of every child and the right of every child to survive."
UNICEF and the Smurfs joined forces two years ago to raise the plight of ex-child soldiers in Africa.
Born in Brussels, Peyo worked as a movie projectionist before entering the world of comic strip drawing.
The Smurfs appeared as a supporting cast of characters in Peyo's 1958 "Johan and Pirlouit" cartoon, which was set in the Middle Ages.
The Smurfs quickly grew in popularity and by 1960, the Smurfs had their own comic strip series and. With the help of the Hanna-Barbera Productions, the Smurfs became an animated cartoon in 1981.
Thierry Culliford said the Smurfs promote love and friendship. He said many who grew up watching the Smurfs on TV during the 1980s and 1990s now are parents and want to introduce the Smurfs to their children.
Demand for Smurf stories continues, said Hendrik Coysman, managing director of IMPS, which controls the rights of the Smurf brand worldwide.
"Thousands of fans are asking for more stories and these will be based of course on the fantastic asset that Peyo has left us," Coysman said.
Peyo, who died 15 years ago, "would be very happy if he were here today" to see Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Handy, Jokey and the troop of 96 others celebrate 50 years of Smurfmania, daughter Veronique Culliford said.

i was at a conference last night and afterwards was a dinner at tavern on the green. it was okay. but i was in a hot seat for about 5 minutes, at a table of 10 people.

a good colleague, who is about 60, (well, basically i was the youngest person there, unfortunately) asked me:

"so seapea, who is your favorite presidential candidate" and everyone at the table turned to me and stared. mind you, there were a bunch of people from SF, CA, Chicago and of course NY.

so i answered: "unfortunately - actually fortunately - i can't vote, because i'm a canadian!" and everyone laughed. and this man said "if you could, who would you vote for? you seem like an obama kind of a person."

at this juncture, i'm very annoyed because i feel that this is a pretty personal question. and what does an "obama kind of a person" mean???

i replied: "sure...but i do have some very conservative values and views so i really can't say" and i had hoped this would closed the discussion.

and then he said "what about your american friends?"

i said: "well, i don't know about them, but all i do know is that a lot of them have joined a group called 10,000 strong against Hillary on facebook!"

and then this woman from SF, a bigwig (who is also gay, and incredibly high & mighty) said "what is the world coming to? what's wrong with the young people? don't they know that Hillary's the way??"

and with that exclamation, everybody went back to their fillet mignon/sea bass.

people, really - stop categorizing people. just because i'm in the arts does not mean i'm super liberal. just because i'm asian, does not mean i'm a republican. i will say this about all the candidates: i don't like any of them. and if i like something about someone, then i don't like the rest of what he or she has to say.

moral of the story: DON"T go there at dinner tables!

went to a dance film festival last night in tribeca. it was pretty interesting! a friend of mine was showing her film as a selection and it was a study of the relationship of dance and music. it was really good to see her and other fellow J alumns (but dancers). i brought friend H to the fest and she enjoyed it - EXCEPT! we really hated the avant-garde crap they showed at the end. the fun item, aside from my friend's work, was the viewing of feist's music videos. click here to see both which we saw last night, introduced by the choreographer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8Z-DIAthbM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWrNCCx2p5U

Job 1:21

..."Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman
- - -
Blessed Be Your Name In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
You give and take away You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name

Open Water by Thrice

- - -

Ten thousand men sleep down with Davy Jones, with stolen treasure they die

The open water chills me to my bones, but it's the only place that I feel alive

The ocean fog begins to disappear, I sense that terrible depth

The open water is my only fear, but I'll sail as long as I still have breath

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you- cause it gives and it takes away

Between the devil and the deep blue sea- I stare into the abyss

The open water is an awful thing, but I'm anxious 'till the anchor rests

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you- cause it gives and it takes away.

this is my theme for the year. this isn't new, but i'm really going to work on this:

...fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

today's the 5th day in boston - it's time to come home. this morning (and it's still morning), my brother started the rampage on how inferior everyone is, including my sister-in-law's friends. this is going to be one great household for my nephew to grow up in. i mean, i understand all families have problems and stuff, but how to deal with a dad (or in that matter, a husband) who'll constantly think all your friends are inferior?

this was a part of my parents' problems raising us: we couldn't even go to other kids' houses, because they weren't good enough for us. this is terrible of parents.

i can't wait to go to my tiny little apartment.

i'm laughing: my nephew's been running around for 30 min straight, screaming in happiness - totally randomly.

i'm scared.

i don't understand how most women don't wear rubber gloves when cleaning/washing dishes. i've been wearing a very "poor" one here in boston and my hands actually HURT - the skin feels like it's gonna tear and i'm very worried & sad. i've been applying a ton of hand cream but i don't know, it just gets sucked in and still hurts.

am i a princess?

poor hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life is tough with a baby. my nephew is adorable but high-maintenance. he's the energizer bunny 24/7 and he started the tantrums and he's only 20 months old. actually, he started the tantrums awhile back, when he was about 12 months old, so we saw it coming but now he's much faster and harder when tantruming. yikes.

he's the sweetest baby too, always coming to kiss you or hug you and when he sees a baby or kids or toddlers, he RUNS to them and touches them and hugs them and most often, the parents go "what the @$)(*t#$)(*t!!!!!" but some babies & parents like it. weird huh?

life in the 'burbs continues here on day 3, with going to malls, watching tv, dancing to baby music, playing house with nephew, working periodically, dancing more to baby music and clapping, doing dishes, laundry, more dishes, more laundry, never ending baby bathes, etc...

i dunno if this is the life for me!

i read the new york times every morning as i commute to work. i can never finish as my commute is pretty short. so i continue reading it at work and then chuck them.

i'm thinking of not reading the paper for the next 2 weeks.

i'm sick of seeing ads after ads about this diamond ring, that diamond bracelet, this leather handbag, that boots, etc. it's all about sales, all about what you "need," and what you have to get. like any consumer (=suckers), sure, i'd love those too. i want them, because i keep seeing it in the paper: page 3, always top right hand corner, tiffany's. page 2, bottom middle, cartier watches and the list goes on. i can't stand it. i just may have to boycott news for the next 10 days.

but then, i guess i can't listen to 106.7 Lite FM for christmas music either because it plays josh UGH groban and andrea PUKE bocelli.

can't please 'em all i guess.

i like to put in staples into staplers.

i feel very blessed tonight - but also very vulnerable. having a good friend makes you feel that.

my friend L is visiting from her native mexico city. we talked for 3 hrs tonight: first 1.5 hrs about her life; then she pressed me for mine. i gave my usual tidbit: life is dandy, i'm blessed, love my church, life goes on.

she kept pressing.

what ended up happening was 1.5 hrs well spent, not just talking about myself but really being honest with myself. i realized a lot tonight: i am very good at truly hiding myself, what bothers me, what makes me joyous, what makes me....i don't know, just everything. it's been awhile since i've had to totally face myself in front of another HUMAN being. many years of practicing "life is fine," has turned into "everything will be fine, if i keep avoiding my own issues."

it's my pride that keeps myself "in check." it's my unrealistic perfectionism that keeps me "in line." but it seems like a house of cards right now.

i feel incredibly foolish right now, yet i feel more focused.

a poem by vera pavlova

If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.

i cry a lot while watching movies, even tv shows. friends know of this. family thinks it's a personal weakness. today i cried in the middle of the afternoon, because i saw a great movie: August Rush.

expectations were low, very low. i honestly didn't think it was worth $11.25.

okay, to be completely and brutally honest, i don't know if it's worth $11.25. it can be a small screen stuff.

i think it touched me - many times - because of the story. without spoiling the movie, i can just say that it has to do with music, quitting music, teaching music, playing again, on top of everything else that goes on. and i just plain liked the story. good music too. very touching. i highly recommend it.

feeling very up from the movie :)

went to the thrice concert last night, except it wasn't to be. tres disappointing. then sat through the brand new set, which wasn't as good as their studio recordings. overall disappointing on a bitterly cold night. might have to go some other cities to catch them! hmph. i got brand new on the video for a few secs but i don't feel like posting it, only cuz they weren't so great to begin with. do all bands use orange lights for "light show" or were they trying to immitate massive attack? if they were trying to do the latter, well...find some other idea, cuz it doesn't really work.

beautiful saturday morning sky in my neighborhood.

my annual advent christmas candle has been lit as of this morning, along with christmas carols. YAYYAYAYAY

went to the philharmonic's concert last night, mainly to witness this gustavo dudamel phenomenon. the program was as follows:

Chávez:Symphony No. 2, Sinfonía India
Dvorák:Violin Concerto with Gil Shaham
Prokofiev:Symphony No. 5

first of all, i was sitting at the score desk @ avery fisher hall, which i didn't even realize it existed until last night. because the concert was sold out, i had gotten these 2 free score desk seats from my friends in the orchestra. am i glad that i went? that's the question to answer at the end of this blog.

anyway, sitting that high up, you get the entire view of the orchestra, as well as the audience. it was pretty packed and that means about 3000 people in the concert hall, including the musicians & backstage people. that's quite a lot. i was dreading the sound quality a bit as avery fisher ain't no carnegie, but surprisingly, it was okay! perhaps i should sit this far up often (NOT!).

chávez was a fun piece for dudamel to start off with. prolly a comfort piece for him to get his blood pumpin'. orchestra sounded carefree and relaxed. then dvorák with shaham started. the orchestra sounded like CRAP. i mean, i understand that usually when playing concerti, the orchestras aren't as well prepared, because they're only the "accompanying" partner and not the soloist. however, seeing in the program that they've played this piece with sarah chang about 3 years ago, shouldn't they sound more with it? the woodwinds & the brass sounded horrible, cracking and so on. shaham was smooth, too smooth. i don't like that kind of playing. it's too 'debonair' and it doesn't have that gypsy feeling, especially for this folksy piece. he should just stick with bruch, mendelssohn, maybe vivaldi. bright sounds.

i was looking forward to prokofiev, because i know it pretty well, having played it in the orchestra at school (tiny piano part, but it was worth all the boring rehearsal times, as pianists hardly get any experience IN the orchestra), plus it'd show off dudamel as the conductor - finally, something to look forward to.

i'll say this: he has a tremendous talent and opportunities ahead of him. i think big challenges too. he is musical, technically sound, but a big horse like prokofiev 5th, it's hard to keep it together, as fine as ny phil may be (strings sounded good, but really people, flutes screwing up? horns ALWAYS cracking? ugh...why do you even get paid $200K a year to play badly??), it takes a great "maestro" to keep it moving and creating something beautiful. i thought dudamel brought out some beautiful and skewed lines out of it (after all, this is prokofiev), but the players were messing up at some key moments (ugh, percussion group, get it together!).

bottom line: i'm glad i went to "witness" it but i didn't leave the concert with stars in my eyes (like i have before with Muti & Argerich). dudamel is worth the attention but people should settle down and let him grow up a bit. after all, he's only 26.

walked to the farther subway entrace this morning to work because there were yellow leaves everywhere on the streets in my neighborhood. it was beautiful and very peaceful and very fall-like.

lately, i've been itching & scratching (sorry to be graphic) and i finally had to face it today: i'm not supposed to wear any wool (unless merino) or synthetic materials, like polyester, etc. just silk, cashmere, merino wool, cotton only. aren't i so high-maintenance??

then i realized that i'm often like that with my problems. it constantly bothers how i handle certain things with certain problems, and they're consistently handled the same way. it's like my mind is itching & scratching yet i refuse to face the facts.

i'm one stubbornly dumb person.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11

Upon the sin among the Corinthians, see how they muster up themselves for the surprise and destruction of it (2 Cor. 7:11). So it is in a person when a breach has been made upon his conscience, quiet, perhaps credit, by his lust, in some eruption of actual sin - carefulness, indignation, desire, fear, revenge, are all set on work about it and against it, and lust is quiet for a season, being run down before them; but when the hurry is over and the investigation past, the thief appears again alive, and is as busy as ever at his work. John Owen

today was a day full of activities, beginning with an all-you-can-eat sushi (freshest salmon anywhere in the world!!!), then to hot springs and then ending with the car ride with a tape of my own playing, age around 16. HOW STRANGE! it was very nostalgic - wow, i actually sound professional. what happened? and it's funny how you remember every note - literally - and how it came to sound like that, etc. memories of lessons & specific incidents...wow, crazy!!! (that's my crazy parents for you - listening to my old tapes)

so basically today i spent all day with my parents and my grandmother who is 87. i realized that...as you get older, you become much more self-centered. boy, i thought i was self-centered but my parents & grandmother, they would each try to compete with each other to up-one each other's stories about who they were/are. it's cute but also kinda disturbing that i share my blood with these people and that i'll most likely be like them.

listening to the old piano tapes brought me to realize that...i miss it - the toil, sweat, blood...all of it :)

In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of his wonders, they did not believe. So he ended their days in futility and their years in terror. Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again. They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer. But then they would flatter him with their mouths, lying to him with their tongues; their hearts were not loyal to him, they were not faithful to his covenant. Psalm 78:32-37

this morning i had to get on the phone with UPS to figure out why they didn't come and pick up the broken computer (a long story) from my parents'. and i realized...wow, the canadian accents are THICK HERE! lots of O's and A's and all those vowels are so "properly" pronounced, so it was kinda funny.

today is beautifully sunny and nice.

it was a whirlwind of 3 days in LA - visit to the Getty Villa in Malibu, hiking in Griffith Park in Hollywood (and at the eye level of the Hollywood sign), visiting many friends (including my 1st serious piano student who is now a student @ UCLA) and eating good food. also listened to many of tim keller's sermons on wisdom. hmm. never thought sermons would be good things to listen @ the airports! now i'm in vancouver - rainy and cold & windy. how delicious! (of course, already stuffed with mom's cooking)

went to a hardcore "concert" - if one can even call it that. it was interesting. there's no frills, no "show" per se, just play, scream, and it's over. and people were actually into it. they themselves seem no-frills kinda people too - early to mid 20's. white. no real apparent anger issues as far as i can see. but i did notice one thing: passion.

i now can understand why the brooklyn pops is always talking about hardcore and christianity. if we could have that kind of focus (mind you, it's straight edge)...wow, i can't even imagine!

here's basically what i saw last night - couldn't bring in a camera, sorry.

good news: i took this test and apparently, i'm 30.113636363636363% insane.

i'm starting to get excited about my trip to LA (but not Vancouver). i'll be staying with my friend G and i haven't seen her in ages...about 4 months. but i'll also be meeting up with my first serious piano student, S! he's a student @ UCLA - and we found each other on facebook, of all places. he looks grown up - but still the same face! how cute! i'm sure he'll accuse me of mental trauma - i remember him crying at lots at lessons. poor guy. i was sad to hear that he stopped playing the piano since high school. what a waste!

apropos previous blog re: not liking babies, i think i really am a kid's person, not a baby person. babies frighten me - i think i'm going to break them in half. but kids, they're pretty cool - i feel like a big kid myself anyway!

after LA, it'll be Vancouver to see my folks. it's supposed to rain & snow. i guess i'll just eat & relax and be petted - yes, my parents still pet me like i'm a cat!!!

Songs of Praise
In that day you will say:"I will praise you, O LORD. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. In that day you will say: "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you." Isaiah 12

i love cats & dogs, kittens & puppies.

i don't like lizards, or snakes.

i love toddlers & kids.

i don't like babies.

i realized that i'm a very aggressive driver. mind you, i don't own a car. (you're thinking, "then...her statement doesn't make any sense!") but i'm an aggressive driver in a sense that when i do drive, i merge w/o problems - even at the last minute.

the correct thing to say should be that i'm a 'merger'. like in the Lex-53rd Street station, where there are 2 tall escalators. people line up and dutifully walk 3-inches at a time to get onto the escalator. i don't do that. i walk straight up to the front of the escalator, then i quickly merge. those of you who know me know that i'm not size 0, so i'm not that unnoticable. but this seems to work, because the key to aggressive merging is that

a) you do quickly, w/o any doubt or second-guessing

b) you don't make any eye contacts with the persons next or behind you (it's extra helpful if you're wearing a huge noise-cancelling headphone so you can't hear them curse you out)

have a stress-free merge-week!

i love auntie anne's.** but i think this is too much.

A PretzelPerfectProposal
Love-Struck Man Proposes at Pretzel Perfect Location.
Maybe his name, Sven Stix, had something to do with his love of Auntie Anne's pretzels - and maybe that's why he found true love with Jala Peño.
Yesterday afternoon, Sven finally mustered up the courage to ask his long time love to spend the rest of her life with him. "I've known that I wanted to propose for a while now," he says. "But I just had a tough time finding exactly where and when to pop the question."It came to Sven while enjoying an Original Pretzel and Old Fashioned Lemonade™ at the mall food court. He decided to propose at the place where they met: Auntie Anne's! "I got down on one knee, and I told her that finding the love of your life is hard, but Auntie Anne's hand-rolled pretzels are soft - and so is the spot in my heart that I have for her. I told her we belong together like pretzels and lemonade."When asked about her response, Jala exclaimed, "I immediately said yes, of course! It was pretzel perfect, even the crew at Auntie Anne's thought so, they applauded for us."The happy couple said it's too early to know when they'll schedule the nuptials, but they know who they'll call first about catering their happy day. "Auntie Anne's, of course," Jala explains "that's where it all began."

**i love the original with no salt & strawberry lemonade.

why does the heat always make the things around it look blurry? i have a portable heater on my office window and it's making the window look like a wormhole. if i jumped in it, would i go to...

a) heaven
b) not heaven
c) candy store (after halloween, prolly empty)
d) none of the above?

"Should I Be Ambitious?" was the question of the bible study this morning based on Luke 14:1-11.

at first, the scripture doesn't look at all about worldly ambitions. but through discussion and studying, one realizes that:

1. The parable's first focus may be about humbleness but
2. The 2nd point is really about - and i guess this applies to ALL scripture - trusting your God. V. 14 says it all:"And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

So it's not just about being humble, being lowly (literally from the parable) - like trying to bypass a promotion, because you are "humble" - but it's about not seeking glory for yourself (ambition), for your own wordly gain (i mean with that specific goal in mind), but that with your trust in God, that God will exalt you when the time comes - at his own divine time. And that "Godly" ambition (which comes through trusting in God) is all about serving, like Paul gloryfing God and that through serving, you learn patience, forgiveness and inner peace.

Which all equals to pretty hard to apply in this real world - but i think it's about real attitude change - which will only happen through prayer, holy spirit's intervention and as usual, God's perfect timing.

With that lesson, I have to really become more serving at work - I do "serve" a lot, not for my glory but because in my nature, I'd like to help out. But at the end, my get annoyed with little things, impatient and certainly not with a "godly attitude."

So yes, we SHOULD be ambitious - for God's Glory and our change of attitude in servitude.

Okay, so that was a lot of jumble mumble what I'm basically saying is: FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT!

busy day today:

First, after church a yummy place, where I appropriately acknowledged that:

then off to some errands, and then walking on 42nd street, stopped by the freight fest @ grand central:

and then to walk by the bryant park skating rink:

then leisurely walking to the concert at the nokia theatre, and to my shock, this is what saw:

but it was fine to get in to see Senses Fail:

and New Found Glory:

a busy day (and sure, i can hardly hear outta my right ear, but oh well!)!

pretty michigan.

more than ever, i think i need to bunker down and start praying for my future. one clear goal in mind is to become a full time piano teacher. i just cannot do it here in nyc.

i've always been lazy about my prayers about my future: mate, direction, work. but it's time that i really get realistic and do H(ASK).

i'm figuring that in a couple of years, my greencard will come through, and by that time, all my credit & school debts will be gone. that'll be timely for me to perhaps move to another metropolitan city where it has a huge 'burb (thereby needing music teachers), perhaps pick up a high-paying assistant job somewhere to start saving, get to know the area, and slowly get adjusted to commuting by car/getting to know a good area for kids, etc. etc.

granted this is all talking outta my fat arse - because i know that i can continue to struggle and wanting this and that...but because of God's Perfect Timing & Planning, this may just be (another) waste of a post/thought/wish.

or perhaps i'm starting to get a grip on the word FOCUS at this old age!!!

suddenly i'm sad to thinking about leaving NYC after 20 years (by that time)...leaving my church and my friends. but alas, 4th chapter of my life, whether in NYC or elsewhere, will start, perhaps sooner than later.

God will provide. Faith.

it's 3:18 AM in the morning and i'm hungry. guess i haven't really had any food since 12:30 PM yesterday.

my stupid wisdom tooth is out. am i going to be wise now?

in korean culture, the wisdom teeth are called "love teeth." i once asked my mommy who told they're called that as "when you have the pains and take them out, you're ready for love." in my naivete, i looked forward to that day.

yesterday i was horrifield and nervous. perhaps two go in hand in hand.

Ten thousand men sleep down with Davy Jones, with stolen treasure they die. The open water chills me to my bones, but it's the only place that I feel alive.

The ocean fog begins to disappear, I sense that terrible depth. The open water is my only fear, but I'll sail as long as I still have breath.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you - cause it gives and it takes away.
Between the devil and the deep blue sea - I stare into the abyss.

The open water is an awful thing, but I'm anxious 'till the anchor rests.

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you - cause it gives and it takes away.

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Literate Good Citizen You read to inform or entertain yourself, but you're not nerdy about it. You've read most major classics (in school) and you have a favorite genre or two.
Dedicated Reader
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Book Snob
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

i am truly blessed. I'm not this boy!

The boy who is allergic to (almost) every food
Tylor Savage, 12, beginning to expand his diet now thanks to treatments
By Mike Celizic
TODAYShow.com contributor
Updated: 10:10 a.m. ET Oct 11, 2007
Twelve-year-old Tylor Savage doesn’t have to ask what’s for dinner. It’s chicken or tuna with carrots and potatoes and maybe some grapes or an apple — the only foods to which he is not allergic.
“I’m a little bored with the same food,” Tylor told TODAY co-host Matt Lauer during a visit to New York on Thursday with his father and sister.
But the British boy is not complaining. When Lauer asked him if he wishes he could eat all the wonderful things he sees other kids wolfing down, he said, “Not really, because I know it will make me ill.”
“Ill” is a mild descriptive for what Tylor went through for most of his life. He was 4 years old the first time he got violently sick after eating. By the time he was 6, the diarrhea and vomiting were getting worse, but his doctors could find nothing wrong with him, putting his digestive problems down to stomach viruses.
“It was horrible,” his 15-year-old sister, Elycia, said.
“It broke my heart,” added his father, David Savage, who made the trip to New York with Tylor and Elycia. Tylor’s mother, Lynne, remained at home in England with the family’s third child.
By the time he was 10, Tylor’s situation was desperate. He was passing out, going into convulsions and passing blood from both ends of his digestive tract. His weight was down to less than 50 pounds, his growth stunted, his body little more than skin and bones.
His mystified doctors took out his appendix, thinking that might be the problem, but he showed no improvement.
Last September, specialists at Great Ormond Street Hospital in London, where he’d been undergoing tests since April 2006, realized that what Tylor had wasn’t a stomach virus but an extremely rare condition called eosinophilic enteropathy.
The disorder causes his intestines to produce too many white blood cells that act as an immune system and attack food passing through the gut.
Doctors found that he was allergic to nearly everything he ate, including wheat, gluten, dairy products, eggs and soy products.
On the mendThey took him off all food, feeding him a liquid formula through a gastric tube inserted through his nose. They then introduced him to one food at a time, making sure he could tolerate it before adding another. Recently, tuna joined chicken as a protein source.
Although Tylor could eat again, he still needs to be fed vitamins and minerals in liquid form. The tube through his nose was causing painful sores where it rubbed against his nose, so in May it was replaced by a port in his stomach. Every night, Tylor plugs a tube connected to a bag of formula into his stomach.
Since getting the stomach tube and finding solid foods he can eat without getting sick, Tylor is thriving. Last year, he was so sick, he attended just 10 days of school. This year, he’s missed only one day.
“I’ve got more energy now,” he told Lauer. He plays soccer and bowls and can roughhouse with other kids. “It’s not like I used to be.”
His sister, meanwhile, has been organizing events — she bungee-jumped earlier this year — to raise funds to help others with Tylor’s condition.
He said that his diet will expand. “There’s a lot of things I am allowed but haven’t been introduced to yet,” he said.
The plane flight to New York, he said, was too long, but he said he’s enjoying the city. Lauer asked if there was anything in particular he wanted to do.
“I want to go to a Nintendo event,” he said. “I’ve got some games I need to play.”
© 2007 MSNBC Interactive

Using the Joy of Cooking's Recipe for the Lightning Cake, Here is the recipe for the Pocari Sweat Cake - the World's First!!!!

1. Have all ingredients at room tempearture
   
2. Preheat oven to 350F


3. Grease and flour one 8" (2" deep) aluminum pan (the best)


4. Whisk together thoroughly:
   1 cup all-purpose flour
   1 teaspoon baking powder
   1/4 teaspoon salt


5. In a large bowl, beat until creamy, about 30 seconds:
   8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter


6. Gradually add and beat on high speed until lightened in color and texture, 3 to 5 minutes:
   1 cup of POCARI SWEAT (this in lieu of 1 cup of sugar)


7. Beat in 1 at a time:
   3 large eggs


8. Beat in:
   1 teaspoon grated lemon zest (COMPLETELY OPTIONAL)
   2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice


9. Stir in the flour mixture just until smooth. Scrape the batter into the pan and spread evenly.


10. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, 30 to 35 minutes.
    

Let cool in the pan on a rack for 10 minutes.I'd recommend some kind of not-too-sugary frosting to decorate the top as it's a bit ugly to just have it as is. Filled with electrolytes, this is GOOD STUFF!!

um...i don't think so!!!!!!!

peanuts

made a REALL YUMMY meatloaf with friends. Here's the recipe (thanks Martha!), BUT!!!!

instead of putting in extra ketchup, dry mustard & brown sugar for dressing, i accidentally put it in the meat mix - but you know what, it was damn good! (i omitted the extra ketchup & dry mustard, but i did put in brown sugar into the meat - which made me question Martha's sanity at the time of mixing but oh well...it was actually MY sanity that i had to question, but...)

good luck!

next recipe coming...a real secret!!!! will post it on Sunday, October 14th.

7:17 AM on Wednesday on 6th avenue. FOGGY.

it's the "new year" for me as of today. do i feel any different? not really. is there anything different going on? not really. yes, i'm the same old boring seapea.

however, i must add that in the recent weeks, days, i've been feeling so so blessed. i feel myself growing again in christ, expanding (physically, i'm trying not to), being stretched. i am thankful. i am happy. i am joyous.

emotionally, i'm up and down, but not as destructively as before, but with new awareness of where i am in god's plan, being the apple of HIS eyes.

i've been exceptionally blessed this year with those who have befriended me: who's been constantly guiding me, challenging me, feeding me (figuratively & cerebrally).

so yes, in that way, this is indeed a whole new year.

The Facebook Commandments
How to deal with unwanted friend requests, the ethics of de-friending, and other social networking etiquette predicaments.

By Reihan SalamPosted Tuesday, Sept. 25, 2007, at 11:06 AM ET

Last week, I launched the Great Facebook Purge of 2007. In one fell swoop, I whittled down a list of 274 "friends" to a more manageable … um, 258. Even weeding out this tiny amount of people was difficult and unpleasant. Almost every subtraction made me wince. While my intention had been to de-friend every hanger-on and casual acquaintance, I just couldn't do it. All I could stomach is eliminating everyone I've literally never met in my life. I still have three "friends" I know only via e-mail, though given that we're firmly in the Digital Age, I figure this is acceptable.
Chances are you've faced a similar dilemma. At around 40 million members, from high schoolers to middle managers to old folks, Facebook is now one of the most popular Web tools. Facebook makes it easier to keep in touch with old friends, track your acquaintances' every minuscule movement, and learn that all of your "cool" pals love Grandma's Boy more than life itself. There is a downside to the site's sudden rise to ubiquity. If you've been on Facebook for more than a week, you've probably gotten a friend request from someone you don't know, someone you hate, or someone you don't want snooping around your profile. Before promiscuous friending turns into a full-blown crisis, it's about time we came up with some basic guidelines for social networking etiquette.
What should you do when someone you don't like or don't know sends you a friend request?
Most of you will hold your nose and accept the request. But why? This is like allowing a corsair-wielding pirate to board your vessel without a fight. Once you've accepted too many faux friends, Facebook becomes a real slog. One of the site's great strengths is that it allows you to manage privacy settings: Do you want everyone you went to college with to see your photos, or only actual friends? That ability to customize is great, but once you've accepted someone as a friend, policing these subtle gradations can be a drag.
There's also an information overload problem. When your friends update their profiles, the new info filters out to you via the News Feed, a constantly updated digest of seemingly mundane facts that can, over time, give you a neat, evolving portrait of your friends' outer lives. (And, of course, your updates also filter out, so anyone who cares will eventually discover, say, your affinity for Grandma's Boy.) The further your online social graph veers from your real social life, the less useful your News Feed becomes. Soon you'll find that most of the headlines are about people you barely know. And who wants that?
So, back to that unwanted friend request. Assuming there will be no social fallout, just ignore it. They probably won't notice, particularly if we're dealing with a promiscuous friender. (You know, the kind of person who thinks, "I need to break 700 friends so I can rid myself of my crippling sense of shame." Trust me, it won't work.) And if you fear a backlash, just say,
Um, hey, this is really awkward, but I actually only accept friend requests from other Muslims. Allah commands it. Sorry, man.
I find this works pretty well. If you are very fetching, it's possible that your would-be friend is—let's be frank—cyber-stalking you. This behavior is so pervasive as to be almost unremarkable, but that doesn't make it right. Ignore the request or, if you must, apply a privacy setting that will keep prying eyes at bay.
What about work colleagues whom you don't want in your personal business?
There is no easy answer to this. Basically, you're screwed. If you work for a huge company and the person is totally random, you're fine: Ignore. If it's your boss, well, how gutsy are you? Any boss with a sense of decency will not friend you. If you accept the request, slap a limited information block on her. Keep in mind that any boss clueless enough to friend you will be clueless enough not to understand that you've applied these restrictions.
Is it OK to de-friend someone?
Say you've been too generous with your friending policy, and a gaggle of strangers is now hogging your News Feed. You too can launch a Great Facebook Purge. The beauty of this is that no headline or notification pops up in your ex-friend's inbox announcing, "You've suffered a humiliating rejection at the hands of _________." It's all very stealthy, thus making it the perfect way to deal with promiscuous frienders.
But what if your so-called friend scans through their friend list and notices that you've gone missing? First off, anyone who is policing their Facebook account this rigorously is morbidly obsessed and thus best kept at arm's length. If she confronts you about it, the best strategy is to plead ignorance: Perhaps the site's massive growth has led to some unexpected technical difficulties? Re-friend, then wait at least six months before trying another de-friending.
How do you decide whether it's OK to friend someone?
After all, it's always better to be the rejecter rather than the rejectee. I will now contradict myself: Friending strangers is permissible. If you are going to approach a stranger, don't do it out of the blue. Never, ever send a random friend request without undergoing some preliminaries, such as trading a few wry observations. The beauty of this "Facebook foreplay," to use an unfortunate analogy, is that you can always refuse to respond.
Had I not sent just such a random missive many moons ago, I never would have met Reyhan Harmanci. This was way back in 2003, when Friendster was all the rage. I noticed that she was friends with about a dozen of my friends and that she was my homonym. For those of us with obscure, highly foreign, or otherwise odd names, this is no joke. I also sensed that we occupied similar spaces in the social pecking order: small, ethnic, and extremely lovable, not unlike pandas. Despite never having met in person, I felt compelled to drop her a line. After a few back-and-forth messages, we quickly formed the "Re_han Club" and became bosom friends. While I was writing the piece, Reyhan—no longer a stranger—sent me a Facebook friend request, which I enthusiastically accepted.
How long should you wait to send a friend request to someone you've just met?
Say you chat someone up at a dinner party. You have a brief but intense conversation about the mostly unseen Kevin Costner thriller Mr. Brooks that leads you to believe she'd be a good person to have in your cyber-circle. Perhaps you trade business cards or e-mail addresses. While you never quite make it to comparing tattoos, bobbing for apples, or other intimacies limited to close friendships, you sense that friendship could indeed blossom at some future date. Why not send a very meek and humble friend request?
Hey, this is _________. We met briefly at __________. This is a little presumptuous, but your awe-inspiring Sudoku skills compel me to ask: Do you think we can be cyber-friends?
This is a little like asking someone out on a first date, but way less threatening. The same logic applies: Send the message soon (within a day or two) after your initial meeting, so the object of your friend-crush has some idea who the heck you are. Keep in mind that your would-be friend has every right to ignore you. You were bending her ear about Mr. Brooks, after all.
What's the right number of Facebook friends?
It all depends on context. Noted anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that the mean clique—a group of primary social partners—consists of around 12 people. Average maximum network size—a group of real friends plus friends of friends—is around 150. I don't know about you, but most of my primary clique isn't on Facebook. My social graph and my social life overlap, but not nearly as much as they would if all of my close friends were on Facebook.
That's why college students find Facebook so addictive. An undergrad who doesn't have a Facebook profile is regarded as a Luddite, the social equivalent of leading a survivalist lifestyle complete with flintlock rifle and bandana. In this case, Facebook works as it should. Even if you have 700 friends, the site susses out your real bosom buddies—they post on your wall, they trade messages with you, and they pop up on your News Feed way more often.
While college kids can get away with huge numbers of friends, the geezers among us should be a little more selective. And by "geezers," I mean everyone born before Ronald Reagan's first inauguration. A group of 150 Facebook friends, right around Dunbar's maximum network size, will let you feel comfortable about broadcasting your status, whether it's "Reihan Salam is triumphantly pumping his fists" or "Reihan Salam is slowly dying of dengue fever."
Of course, even after the Great Facebook Purge of 2007 I still have 258 friends. In theory, a huge number of friends means you're really, really popular. In reality, the omnidirectionally friendly typically strike us as untrustworthy and maybe even a little lame. What can I say—I am a very friendly fellow. Adjust your privacy settings accordingly.

Reihan Salam is a writer in Washington.
Article URL: http://www.slate.com/id/2174439/

I was waiting for a cross-town train in thelondon underground when it struck methat I've been waiting since birth to find alove that would look and sound like a movieso I changed my plans I rented a camera anda van and then I called you"I need you to pretend that we are in loveagain." and you agreed tooI want so badly to believe that "there is truth,that love is real"and I want life in every word to the extentthat it's absurdI greased the lens and framed the shot usinga friend as my stand-inthe script it called for rain but it was clearthat day so we faked itthe marker snapped and I yelled "quiet onthe set" and then called "action!"and I kissed you in a style clark gable wouldhave admired (i thought it classic)I want so badly to believe that "there is truth,that love is real"and I want life in every word to the extentthat it's absurdi know you're wise beyond your years, butdo you ever get the Feelthat your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by

how cool is this???

MSNBC.com

‘Aquanauts’ live in a scientific fishbowl
Webcams watch underwater researchers as they study coral reefs
By Adrian Sainz
The Associated Press
Updated: 1:17 p.m. ET Sept 18, 2007

KEY LARGO, Fla. - A nine-day mission that began Monday in the world's only permanent working undersea laboratory is like living in a fishbowl in more ways than one: Anyone with an Internet connection can watch the researchers work and hang out 60 feet (18 meters) below the surface.
Six "aquanauts" studying changes along a coral reef will work, sleep and eat at Aquarius Reef Base, on the Atlantic Ocean floor about nine miles southeast of Key Largo in Florida Keys National Marine Sanctuary. It's the first time students and others will get such an extensive real-time view of the underwater life surrounding the 21-year-old lab.
The team, hoping to raise interest in science and the oceans, is bringing its research to students with undersea classroom sessions and to the public through live Internet video. Feeds are coming from inside and outside Aquarius, and from divers wearing helmets mounted with cameras and audio equipment.
"It would be ideal if all the students we are going to reach on this mission could actually be here, but the truth is most of them will never get that opportunity," said Ellen Prager, chief scientist for Aquarius. "So the best we can do is have them connect and be virtually there."
Researchers will study sponge biology and coral reefs — fertile marine habitats that are threatened around the world by disease, rising ocean temperatures and human factors such as pollution and overfishing.
Bus-sized habitatAquarius is a yellow, 43-foot-long (13-meter-long), 9-foot-diameter (2.75-meter-diameter) tube, roughly the size of a school bus. It lets researchers dive for nine hours a day and return to the habitat without standard scuba diving requirements of surfacing and decompressing.
This is the first time that live classes will be conducted from Aquarius Reef Base. A school in Florida and another in Michigan are getting direct interactive feeds, as are the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill and UNC's Institute of Marine Science in Morehead City.
Other classes can follow the team online at Oceanslive.org, which has round-the-clock live video of the mission.
Using a system of cables that stretch out from Aquarius, divers will visit sites they have studied in the past to determine if any long-term change has taken place.
Studying more than coralOn most reefs around the world, the abundance of hard coral has declined, and the cover of soft algae has increased, said Steve Gittings, science coordinator with NOAA's National Marine Sanctuary Program. Algae is a natural part of the ocean ecosystem, but it can respond to human influences such as pollution to create large or unnatural concentrations that can displace corals.
Researchers also want to learn more about two other reef dwellers, sponges and soft corals, because it's not clear whether their abundance has significantly changed, Gittings said. Also of interest are the suspected causes of change in reef ecosystems, which may include a mass die-off of a long-spined sea urchin that ate algae, Gittings said.
"We're seeing dramatic changes literally on reefs around the world with regard to the relationship between all those different components that live on the bottom," Gittings said.
One of those components is sponges, which pump water through their bodies to filter food particles and produce dissolved nitrogen, a fertilizer.
The Aquarius team will investigate any links between changes of reef compositions and organic matter processed by sponges, seeking to discover whether sponges are fertilizing grasses that compete with corals, said researcher Chris Martens of UNC-Chapel Hill.
"Corals have gone through huge changes in terms of being totally dominant in oceans to being lesser," said Martens. "We're asking the question, 'Do sponges help or hurt in that process?'"
20-year-old underwater homeAquarius, owned by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, operated by the University of North Carolina-Wilmington and used by the Navy and NASA, was built in 1986. It began operating in the U.S. Virgin Islands before being redeployed off Key Largo in 1993.
The facility has bunk beds and showers; a microwave, refrigerator and sink; and the computer and diving equipment needed to research reefs and collect, assemble and relay data.
"It's not claustrophobic, really," said Prager, the chief scientist.
Food, computers and other equipment are sent down using pots that can handle two and a half times normal atmospheric pressure below the ocean's surface.
After the expedition, the aquanauts must decompress for 17 hours or they will get the crippling "bends."
"We don't want to fizz," Martens said.
A surface buoy provides air, power and communications to Aquarius through hoses, cords and cables. On land, a crew monitors the living conditions in the facility.
The aquanauts eat microwaved or reconstituted meals. Food must be sent down via the special pots or it will not stand the pressure.
"A Pringles can can turn into a pretzel," Martens said.
Eating is one of the things about living underwater that takes some adjustment, Prager said.
"Things tend to taste very bland," she said. "There's a lot of hot sauces down there."
© 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

we are like the streets on
monday mornings
dirty, uncared for, abused

we are like the subway stations during
weekend nights
filthy, smelly, unruly

without hope, we are doomed
without love, we are fallen

(my) room with a view - today's sunrise.

it's september. it's time for a summer-gone-by reflection.

this summer was a challenging one. many words stick out: boundaries, faith, trust, temptations, confusion, prayer.

starting with a family feud during the memorial weekend to resolving that particular one this past weekend, it was a HECK of a summer, 15 weeks of sheer tortures filled with...so many internal conflicts.

i don't think i've been stretched this thinly in some time. yet i am thankful. through the personal challenges, i've been desperate for god. i've been desperate for his guidance. i've been seeking.

and i know that now i'm truly blessed. not all things are resolved: but i do not lose hope, because he is with me.

Psalm 46 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 46
For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A song.

1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.
5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.
6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
7 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah
8 Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.
10 "Be still, and know that I am God;I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
11 The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah

Financial Times FT.com

Virtue and virtual reality
By Christopher Caldwell
Published: September 1 2007 03:00

The basic question about virtual reality is whether it is an exciting new world that cool people are "migrating" to or a cheesy mock-up of the world we already know. For the nearly 1,000 members of the "Second Life community" who held their third annual convention in Chicago last weekend, it is getting less virtual every day. There are a lot of three-dimensional graphic interfaces, but Second Life, created by Linden Labs in California, has been the most popular and the most studied. It has 9m members, who create "avatars", or alternative online selves. Avatars interact, form relationships and spend money. They can be equipped with a sex, age, occupation and identity of members' own choosing - although genitalia cost extra. A hard core of enthusiasts use virtual reality to explore a world without geographic (or other) borders.
But there is another way to look at virtual reality: as a vaguely onanistic hobby that serves as a retreat for those who can find no purchase in real life. In an article that appeared in the Jesuit magazine Civiltà Cattolica this summer, Antonio Spadaro urged Catholics to learn about virtual reality and concluded that "the digital world might even be considered, in its way, 'mission territory'". The church's interest in Second Life is not surprising. Since Nicodemus visited Jesus (John 3:1-7), second lives have been the church's stock in trade. What is surprising is how much Fr Spadaro's assessment of the online landscape resembles that of businessmen. Our culture is coming to a consensus on the question of whether virtual reality is something new or a jazzed-up version of something old. It is the latter.
The great service Fr Spadaro's essay performs is to get us to think about the distinction between identities and roles, a distinction that gets blurred in much propaganda about virtual reality. Online avatars are not autonomous. They are not related to their creators the way Mr Hyde is related to Dr Jekyll. They are related to their creators the way Mr Hyde and Dr Jekyll are related to Robert Louis Stevenson.
This is how businessmen understand virtual reality. If avatars were really the free spirits that internet boosters claim they are, then trademarks would lose their value in "alternative" worlds - and they don't. The enterprises that have set up shop in Second Life are varied: IBM, Reuters, Toyota, the pop band Duran Duran, Adidas, Sweden (which has a virtual embassy) and cultural representatives of the Italian foreign ministry. This month, the Liverpool Philharmonic will broadcast (if that is the word) its opening night to 100 Second Lifers. Such innovations, true, could change our physical world. Restaurants will not disappear from your neighbourhood, but bookstores might, if Amazon.com or Waterstone's can figure out how to replicate online the experience of walking through them. But this is familiar territory. Corporate marketers consider avatars mostly as "eyes" that can be drawn in a non-shopping but fantasy-susceptible situation - as in a football stadium, or in front of a TV screen. Virtual reality is a new form of advertising. It is not a new world.
Businesses, of course, may pretend it is a new world and invest in that pretence. Companies generally play along with the culture in which they are advertising. There is no inherent relationship between baseball and Chevrolet trucks, but you will forget that if you watch enough baseball games. Clothiers and car dealers will do something similar if they want to appeal to the "herd of independent minds" (in the critic Harold Rosenberg's phrase) who roam the internet. They will not just invest in snazzy avatars and catchy jingles; they will also mouth all the hoo-hah about the power of imagination to create virtual worlds, and so on.
That hardly exhausts the corporate applications of virtual worlds. Hewlett-Packard and Microsoft have used them as sites for training programmes. Rather than have a number of highly paid trainers on staff it is easier to make a presentation that can be accessed by a hundred branch offices. (One can see the appeal of such efficiencies to the priest-strapped Catholic church.) But this is not a new way of interacting. It is a more efficient system for producing and distributing videos.
Virtual reality may be overrated as an economic phenomenon, but it is an important spiritual one. While not offering anything particularly new, it may still manage to devalue the old, posing dangers to a person's inmost character - his "real" character or, if you prefer, his soul. It does this mostly through what Fr Spadaro calls "the temptation towards the cancellation of experience". More and more of life can be "rewound", undone and treated as an "experiment" that has no moral meaning.
One result is that the gap between a person's (simulated, reversible) imagination and the (serious, irreversible) world widens dangerously. Technology always tends to cause this widening and Fr Spadaro uses Marx's word for it: alienation. But when the object supposedly being manufactured is not pig iron or shoes but identity, the moral dangers are bigger. There are reportedly few children in the world of Second Life avatars and few members of the working class. The virtual world makes it clear that there are identities nobody wants. "Simulation beats reality on the grounds of its broader potential and its lower level of risk," Fr Spadaro writes. "Today people are afraid of naked reality." And because we grow addicted to this illusory control, Fr Spadaro shows, pauses taken from life exhaust more and more of life.
Virtual reality can be an exciting place, but certain real realities of the human condition are inescapable. That remains true no matter who your avatar is or how much you paid for its genitalia.

The writer is a senior editor at The Weekly Standard