for the first time in 2 years, i had a REAL CHEESE (sorry, goat) today...LACTOSE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.lifetimecheese.com/products/LactoseFree.html is also a good link :)

Psalm 5

Lead Me in Your Righteousness

To the choirmaster: for the flutes. A Psalm of David.

Give ear to my words, O LORD; consider my groaning. Give attention to the sound of my cry, my King and my God, for to you do I pray. O LORD, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch. For you are not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not dwell with you. The boastful shall not stand before your eyes; you hate all evildoers. You destroy those who speak lies; the LORD abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man. But I, through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house. I will bow down toward your holy temple in the fear of you. Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies; make your way straight before me. For there is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue. Make them bear their guilt, O God; let them fall by their own counsels; because of the abundance of their transgressions cast them out, for they have rebelled against you. But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exult in you. For you bless the righteous, O LORD; you cover him with favor as with a shield.

i am truly blessed. as i walked around my good ol' neighborhood this morning, i had the sense of calm, sense of being blessed beyond i can ever want or need. the basic necessities of life has been granted by God and i am so thankful. praise praise god!

The trip was fun.

i vandalized the golden gate bridge by writing on the bridge: under the word CHRIST:

Steve

Jessica

Clara

June 2008

then onto the monterey bay aquarium to admire many of god's creations (in this instance, jellyfish)

then admired more of His Works at Monterey - the Lone Cypress. breathtaking.

i'm slowly getting excited about San Francisco/San Jose.

i'm excited that there's a possibility of me getting reacquainted with my friends Johanny and Fréd in that sunny state. (i'll have to bring some of them with me, if that's the case.)

:) :) :) :)

maybe i'm a cold person but i really don't understand this outpouring of love, etc. for the late tim russert. yes, he was fabulous. he seemed like a real genuine person.

but seriously, nothing else to cover? that, and tiger's knee surgery?

and i can't stand to read the newspaper these days. i don't know why, but i just want to escape from it all. i suspended my nytimes subscription for the next 2 weeks, only to revive after the 4th of july. and i'm giving my ipod a rest too.

Alex Fletcher: It doesn't have to be perfect. Just spit it out. They're just lyrics.
Sophie Fisher: "Just lyrics"?
Alex Fletcher: Lyrics are important. They're just not as important as melody.
Sophie Fisher: I really don't think you get it.
Alex Fletcher: Oh. You look angry. Click your pen.
Sophie Fisher: A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex.
Alex Fletcher: I so get that.
Sophie Fisher: But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It's the combination of the 2 that makes it magical.

this is a dialogue i remember from Music & Lyrics.

i so get it.

greetings from the mile-high city.

it is balmy and breezy without a hint of humidity, currently around 85 degrees. such a huge difference from home.

things are not going well - too many screw-ups by shipping companies so we're missing 4000 magazines. not a pretty sight to be around the grumpy londoners.

but, i was alone this morning, doing errands for the convention and i was thankful that last night's meeting was not confrontational and that we had a relaxing time greeting one another.

desperate times need desperate prayers. please pray for this week - that all will go smoothly. magazines to arrive tomorrow morning by FedEx. sigh. more expenses.

i probably won't have the time to enjoy anything, except to gaze from afar the magnificent mountains.

denver has some memories for me. i was here about 4 years ago serving a short-term mission, helping the homeless (due to the mild-nature of the weather year-around, there are high number of homeless FAMILIES around here). it was a lot of work, but a fruitful one.

this convention will be a lot of work, but not sure if it'll be fruitful, at least personally.

2 days down, 5 to go.

this does NOT work. i tried to be environmentally friendly. it does not work.

this works the best. do not buy others!

in Philly no less!

i cannot imagine the pull of the "tree of good and evil" for eve and adam. i cannot imagine what kind of temptation it had through the serpent. i don't even know if adam and eve knew of the FEAR of the lord, on listening and acting upon the serpent's temptation.

what i do know are my own temptations: temptation to be irritable, temptation to be impatient, temptation to blow-up, temptation to just move on, temptation to do all things ungodly.

david powlison said this:

You have been given God's grace and commanded by your Lord Jesus to give grace to all others. Whether married or single, male or female, child or parent, employee or boss, you live within a mutuality: one church, members of one body, brothers and sisters to one answer. You are a we. You are called to be patient, and constructive in every relationship....[everyone] ought to communicate openly, drawing on each other for help and perspective, seeking to understand and encourage each other, repenting of the sins that interfere. No superiority, no double standards.

this is super hard. It is so unhuman.

yet there are so many bodily references in the bible, among others, in Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12 and in Ephesians 4. it is told again and again that we are one in christ, one in each other, to love and respect and blah blah blah blah blah blah.

this is super duper hard. it is a true challenge.

i just wish that god had provided us with physical stress ball to throw, squeeze, and smash on. ARGH!

random thoughts:

i have many men in my life. father, brother, brothers in christ, nephew (plus 1 more coming in October), boss, teachers/pastors, students, etc.

i have many women in my life too, yet it seems that only men seek my ear often, especially of late.

especially lately, my heart has been burdened to pray for the men in my life.

today, i connected with a brother in christ in korea (serving in the military) via skype. it's been awhile. and him telling me of his life, it puts everything in perspective.

god is good to me. he gives me clarity and comfort through all situations.

and thank God for my men in my life.

today was a good day. in fact, this past week was amazing.

as of last monday, i felt so overwhelmed by all the (work) responsibilities, i decided to take a break from chatting, facebooking, blogging, and e-mailing. it was a decision made with a glad heart, and i am thankful for god's hand in my discernment and that it was indeed a wise one.

i've been at my job 11 years now (in fact, the tuesday after the memorial day is my work anniversary) and with that comes not only stability and thankfulness, but also frustration and impatience. this week, in order to prepare for my june denver trip, i've been working..furiously. yes, i actually use that word, as i felt like an overworked engine, frequently having to water (in my human case, junk food) the overheated engine (= brain). had i continued with my daily chattings, facebookings and such, i would've been unable to concentrate so fully on the job. i'm known as the queen of multitasking (not a princess, but a QUEEN) and i just had to admit to myself, something had to give this week. i apologize to all my friends for having "ditched them" for full 5-6 days!

but what a blessing it was and i am still fueled by that blessing. today after jetting from the sunday school, i went to a lecture by ron choong titled "the triune god: the god who is one."

i didn't expect to hear the name aristotle in a talk about the triunity of god. but how appropriate it was to learn about the kατηγορίαι katēgoriai, gregory of nyssa and why monotheism/unitarianism and tritheism are different (and wrong). there's not an easy way to explain all this. i highly encourage you all to read up on this!

** picture is taken by my bro on a beach of my sis-in-law and nephew. beauty of god and his creation is so evident in this yet...

today, i braved the supersoaker and went to barney's to sample rogan for target @ barney's.

and i was about 6 hrs too late.

all the goodies were gone. i asked a saleswoman (FYI: barney's is really incredible when it comes to the sales staff. i've shopped in different departments - when i can afford certain items - over the years and i've always had friendliest waitstaff there. they're incredibly efficient and helpful!) who empathized with me. Said "yeah, people were lined up outside of the store this morning at 9 AM. i'm afraid all normal sizes are gone" - that meant mostly L or XLs were left. people were scrambling like there's no tomorrow (think of a very messy scrambled egg cooking on your pan and you'll understand the feeling). i quickly just grabbed whatever i could and then retreated into a corner ("can i get a dressing room?" "yes, let's find one...here it is!" - again, so freakishly friendly) and tried them all on - and i didn't like any, except a pair of really cool black - leopard-print - jeans. she said "all the really cute dresses were gone by 9:30 AM." darn it! freakish NY shoppers!!!!

anyway, i scored - $39.99 for the jeans. not too shabby, i must say!

i am thankful this week.

i am thankful for beautiful weather god's given us - even though it's cloudy & rainy today, it's beautiful. thank you for your all your creation.

i am thankful for the consistency of my job and its environs. thank you for providing for me always.

i am thankful for my church's projects and its servants. thank you for guiding us.

i am thankful for the struggles of this week - i am totally lost on what friendship is all about. i am lost trying to reconcile that of god's word and that of this world in terms of how one should act and react.

i am thankful for his comforting words in romans 12 and 1 corinthians 12.

i am thankful that i know that i will grow after struggles. one of my fav verses:

...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

thank you for the hope.

Thrice, you rock. Thanks for the great time yesterday.

i was searching on my gmail account to see if i had any old links pasted in e-mails or chats to give to someone at my church re: some cool church websites as a model for ours.

then i came across and e-mail i wrote to a friend on january 9, 2006:

<<my daily communication with God for the last 4-5 months have been sporatic cries of "why is this happening to this church? please help us." (FOR CONTEXT: i was at a church that was dying) for the last month, i have hardly spoken to Him. i feel so dry & tired. i need SUPPORT. i need bible study, i need fellowship with believers, i need small group, i need the church that will be able to supply it ALL for me, however greedy i am! while i'm tired & sad, i am also on the verge of excitement that i'll find a new church and that it'll be an exciting time for me, a dormant SeaPea to really once again learn & be of help to a church and of course, most of all, to myself. >>

it got me sooooo happy that God heard my cries! :)

i have many friends in their 20's who are single. i have almost none in the 30's.

i thought about how i felt in my early 20's:

• i wanted bf really badly. that's all i wanted. i'd play cool, but the bottom line was, i wanted a bf.
• i really wanted to look good for the opposite sex. i worked hard for it: worked out, watched my diet, made sure i was all "in" and "cute" in terms of latest fashion, gadgets, etc.
• i used to take baths - just for no reason and prolly cuz i had so much time to waste.
• i wanted to be rich and impress people.
• i knew of christ - but i wasn't his.

now, i'm semi-mature in my 30's, here's my advice to all my young friends:

• it's okay to want a bf or a gf. just don't try to make an idol out of that (i know you can't help it, but pray for discernment...and with help controlling your hormones!). and just because you're a devout christian does not immune you from sexual urges - so be aware. awareness is a key to understanding temptations.
• beauty is so fleeting - and the standard of beauty changes constantly. have your own standard of beauty. how does s/he look to you when they're out drinking and partying? how does s/he look to you when they're worshipping and be glorified in god?
• it's okay to be want to become rich. just don't try to focus on that goal solely and god will provide - so you won't be destitute etc. ambition is an admirable thing, i think, because that comes with discipline. if you have the discipline to be ambitious, you have the discipline to follow christ
• have friends who are older than you (perhaps not wiser than you, as they're still learning too) and try to listen and follow their advice. it's not in vain that they give their voices to you

i had a grown woman, in her 50's, who friended to me in my freshman year of school and she still is, perhaps not as close as before. but she invited me to her house, had me interact with her family, and she gave me some practical advice, but since she wasn't a christian, she didn't guide me with christ's words. but even that was such a blessing to me, a 17/18 year old girl in a city who didn't know anybody. so with fondness i remember of her kindness as i try to open my life to my young friends.

wouldn't it be great if we always listened to the wise and the older? by the time we usually realize this, we're in our 50's, 60's. we human beings are too proud, too self-sufficient. i hope my young friends will take advantage of their fellow (but older) brothers and sisters at church to ask questions and to ask advice. that's what a real community's for.

i am finally able to sit down one night and write about my 2 trips to other churches in the last couple of weeks.

first, surprisingly i found a church in utrecht, netherlands. yes, i was in that lovely small town of canals and such and good ol' google netherlands found me an english speaking church that just happened to be an anglican one!

it's called the Holy Trinity Utrecht Anglican Church. i went on April 6th, the day i was leaving the netherlands. it wasn't hard to find - thanks to good ol' google map on my blackberry (yes, it's quite international!).

i had high hopes for this church. but it completely failed.

i just wanted to worship and be in God's presence. but what do i get? i get the following:

• some hymns (okay, an okay start)


• a prayer of penitence:
  Jesus Christ, risen Master and triumphant Lord, we come to you in sorrow for our sins, and confess to you our weakness and unbelief. We have lived by our own strength, and not by the power of your resurrection. In your mercy, forgive us. Lord, hear us and help us. We have lived by the light of our own eyes, as faithless and not believing. In your mercy, forgive us. Lord, hear us and help us. We have lived for this world alone, and doubted our home in heaven. In your mercy, forgive us. Lord, hear us and help us. May the God of love and power forgive you and free you from your sins, heal and strengthen you by his Spirit, and raise you to new life in Christ our Lord. Amen.


• we listened to some reading from Acts 2


• and then came on the program called "the Talk.
  it should actually be called "an interactive 3 min conversation." suddenly, one of the musicians rose - who was wearing the collar - and started to converse with us in the pews! and he pointed to the stained glasses telling us to observe what has happened during Easter and asked questions. and that was it.
  
• declaration of faith:
  We believe in God the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named. We believe in God the Son, who lives in our hearts through faith, and fills us with his love. We believe in God the Holy Spirit, who strengthens us with power from on high. We believe in one God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.

(btw, i'm getting all these from the church of england website)

• anyhoo, then communion, from which EVERYBODY drank from the wine cup! i dipped mine. shudder.


• THEN!!!! it said in the program "the president pronounces the Blessings." and i was like huh? well, they literally said "Happy birthday Annie! Happy birhday Jonnie!" etc. - except they SANG the HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS SO NOT RIGHT! i was flabbergasted. SO STRANGE!
  

then...the benediction. just so so strange. if i ever go back to utrecht for some biz, i'm not going back there. i just left there literally scratching my head and not at all in commune with God! hmph.

a couple of weeks ago, a thousands miles away from utrecht, i attended a PCUSA church in Franklin, TN, because i was visiting my old church's pastor's family who had relocated to there. it's called the crossroads ministry and it's relatively young. thank the lord that they didn't sing happy birthday. what the heck!??! i still can't get over it. anyway, it was a nice service and all (but no communion :(...) but...the point of this blog is to say...

I REALLY MISSED MY CHURCH! even though i was back this past weekend, i couldn't attend the service due to my commitment to the sunday school. and i'll be missing it again this coming weekend because i'm going to visit my fav (and only) nephew's 2nd birthday. here's the latest photo.


GOD BLESS!

i was looking at this link and then this...

am i crazy? this is NUTS! (see the bold text below)

Voting
One of the most important privileges of democracy in the United States of America is the right to participate in choosing elected officials through voting. As a Permanent Resident you can only vote in local and state elections that do not require you to be a US citizen. It is very important that you do not vote in national, state or local elections that require a voter to be a US citizen when you are not a US citizen. There are criminal penalties for voting when you are not a US citizen and it is a requirement for voting. You can be removed (deported) from the US if you vote in elections limited to US citizens.

what the heck?? so if i made a mistake of voting and then they're like HOW DARE YOU VOTE, YOU'RE NOT EVEN A CITIZEN, YOU OFFEND US, NOW YOU MUST LEAVE!!!!

greetings from franklin, TN where all i've been doing a) talking and b) eating. today's lunch hi-lite: cracker barrel's Chicken BLT ("Your choice of our own chicken tenderloin grilled or fried along with thick sliced bacon and two slices of melting Colby cheese.") - of course, mine was w/o the cheese nor tomato. YUM!!!!! i never thought fried chicken & strips of bacon would go so well. and then afterwards, we toured the "downtown" nashville...i say "downtown" because it's even smaller than astoria, queens....yess'um, it shure is...
BBQ tomorrow, so stay tuned!
P.S. today's touristic hi-lite: posing with elvis

good bye dutch fries on the street!

and hello BBQ & other fatties in Franklin, TN!

greetings from amsterdam, where it's been sunny, grey, rainy, hot and cold - all at once at all times. it's light until about 9 PM at night (i guess because it's pretty up there) and it's just a city to be lost in, a city to enjoy everything in smaller scales.

my cold has finally escaped me, thanks to some 500 mgs of antibiotics. and of course, no jet lag due to...NO JET LAG! sure i was a bit tired yesterday but i was fine after a hot shower and delicious pancakes.

i went on the canal cruise, and ate a delicious meal and went to bed at the normal time.

today was a busy day: i woke up naturally to a great dutch b'fast provided by the hotel and headed out to Rijksmuseum and then right next to it, the venerable Van Gogh museum where i saw a stunning painting which i've never seen before. i can't even describe the color correctly. i just wanted to be embraced by this painting. have a look:

it's called the Almond Blossom and this was a present to celebrate his brother & sister-in-law's newborn. it moved me.

after such moving exhibitions, i walked to this hilarious & small exhibition. i will have to post pictures soon, but suffice to say that i was enjoying this museum pretty by myself, except 4 accompanying cats. ha ha!

then i went to the flower market by the canals - so many tulips! flowers! :)

then i walked to the Rembrandt's house/museum. what a great house! did you know that in the 17th century, people used to sleep in box beds...which are about 3/4 length of an average person today. so you may think: were they that short? yes and no: while they were shorter back then, they also thought sleeping fully horizontal meant blood vessels popping in their heads so they reclined while sleeping - how uncomfortable!!!!! i'm glad i'm not in the 17th century right now, i'll tell you that much.

and then i went to the BIBLE MUSEUM in this european sin city. pretty unbelievable knowing that this is a city that's so so open to so many sinful things, yet here it is, an international BIBLE museum. how funny! it was quite informative - heavily on Old Testament. i forgot that the netherlands had a very important reformed movement.

and finally to my last museum outtings...the anne frank house. i highly recommend this tour to anybody going over to europe for any reason. this place moved me beyond words and i was teary the entire time i was there, while i was climbing the stairs she climbed, looking at the pictures she looked (on her walls), reading what she wrote in the journals, etc. it simply amazes me again the ugliness and deranged beliefs by the nazis.

that concludes my busy but relaxing day - interrupted by frequent cafe stoppings.

to be continued as i travel to Utrecht tomorrow!

the first sign of aging isn't your body parts trying to fight gravity - it's the hands. the skin on the hands is first to go and i'm suddenly experiencing very very dry hands. most of you know that i'm a bit freakish about protecting my hands, be it wearing different rubber gloves (of a certain kind) when doing dishes, cleaning, or wearing different colored cashmere or leather gloves almost 9 months of the year, i'm a bit particular. i never ever put nail polishes on my fingernails nor do i get a manicure to take care of my nails. just has to be protective of the wind, temperature, etc.

so i'm sadden to report that nightly hand creaming isn't very effective when your skin on hands is drying up naturally. my skin is a bit chapped - poor hands.

any good solutions? aside from hoppin on a time machine to get youthful hands?

in a sad attempt to deflect the responsibility of packing, i've reorganized my closet...and to realize that i have too many t-shirts. i'm not a t-shirt kinda gal. i'm giving them all to salvation army except my Roots, Juilliard, Star Trek, Yankees, CBGB, RCMP, Linkin Park....okay so not that many are to be given away. BUT NO MORE T-SHIRTS!!!!!! okay, except for a THRICE shirt...

i'm a bit obsessed with ENCHANTED right now and this morning, i can't get this song outta my head. have a looksee on youtube. but here's the lyrics:

(A Capella, Giselle)
How does she know you love her?
How does she know she's yours?
(Marlon Saunders - Calypso Singer)
How does she know that you love her?
(Giselle)
How do you show her you love her?
(Together)
How does she know that you really really truly love her?
How does she know that you love her?
How do you show *her* you love her?
How does she know that you really really truly love her?
(Giselle)
It's not enough to take the one you love granted
You must remind her or she'll be inclined to say
"How do I know he loves me?
How do I know he's mine?"

Well does he leave a little note to tell you you are on his mind?
Send you yellow flowers when the sky is Grey?
He'll find a new way to show you a little bit every day
That's how you know
That's how you know he's your love

(Calypso Singer)
You got to show her you need her
Don't treat her like a mind reader
Each little something to lead her to believe you love her

(Giselle)
Everybody wants to live happily ever after
Everybody wants to know their true love is true
How do you know he loves you?
How do you know he's yours?

Well does he take you out dancing just so he can hold you close?
Dedicate a song with words meant just for you?
He'll find *someway* to tell you with the little things he'll do
That's how you know
That's how you know he's your love
He's your love

That's how you know he loves you
That's how you know it's true

Because he'll wear your favorite color just so he can match your eyes
Plan a private picnic by the fire's glow
His heart will be yours forever
Something everyday will show
That's how you know (x5)
That's how you know he's your love
That's how you know
That's how you know he's your love

i don't get overwhelmed easily but lately, i've been feeling really really overwhelmed to...catch up on my reading list.

currently on my "library":

• Macbeth (i'm going to see the production on B'way in April)
• This is Your Brain on Music (nuff said)
• Duchess of Langeis by Balzac (cuz i feel like reading something french every time it rains...and it's been raining a lot)
• Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks (i've been "reading" this for like 3 months now...sigh...)
• Precision Heart Rate Training (i'm curious about this)
• Wagner Nights by Joseph Horowitz (it's interesting how the Opera culture affected the NYC area, etc. etc.)

now, the problem with the above list is that i HATE reading non-fiction. aside from shakespeare & balzac up there, it's all interesting but....i just don't like non-storylines.

i have a true book ADD. any feedback on what i should ditch/later or any tricks to "managing" multi-book-obsessions?

apropos of my previous post, i think i covet...way too much.

recaping of the seven deadly sins:

• lust: i look at and all
• gluttony: i think about what i'm going to eat even as i'm eating a meal
• greed: once i have something, i want more
• sloth: ...i'm blogging...during office hours
• wrath: i don't forgive even though i was forgiven
• envy: grass is always greener on the other side
• pride: i think that i don't need anybody
  

... i think i commit all seven daily...maybe even every second!

oy vey.

from today's CNN.COM

ROME, Italy (AP) -- A Vatican official has listed drugs, pollution and genetic manipulations as well as social and economic injustices as new areas of sinful behavior.
Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti said in an interview published on Sunday by the Vatican's daily newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, that known sins increasingly manifest themselves as behavior that damages society as a whole.
Girotti, who heads the Apostolic Penitentiary, a Vatican body that issues decisions on matters of conscience and grants absolutions told the paper that whilst sin used to concern the individual mostly, today it had a mainly a social resonance, due to the phenomenon of globalization.
Catholic teaching distinguishes between lesser, so-called venial sins, and mortal sins.
When asked to list the new areas of sinful behavior, Girotti denounced "certain violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments, genetic manipulations."
He also mentioned drugs, which weaken the mind and obscure intelligence; pollution; as well as the widening social and economic differences between the rich and the poor that "cause an unbearable social injustice."
Girotti said the Catholic Church continued to be concerned by other sinful acts, including abortion and pedophilia.
He said Church authorities had reacted with rigorous measures to child abuse scandals within the clergy, but he also claimed that the issue had been excessively emphasized by the media.
His comments came at the end of a week-long Vatican conference on confession.
A recent survey said that 60 percent of Italian Catholics do not go to confession.
Traditionally the Catholic church has had a list of seven deadly sins, that of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride established by Pope Gregory the Great in the 6th century.
The terms entered the popular vocabulary after the publication of Dante's "Divine Comedy."
The deadly sins are in contrast with venial sins - relatively minor sins that can be forgiven.
A person that commits a mortal sin risks burning in hell unless absolved through confession and penitence.
Now the Vatican says it is time to modernize the list to fit a global world.
On hearing the Girotti's suggestion, some priests thought it was a good idea.
Father Antonio Pelayo, a Spanish priest and Vatican expert noted that it is time for both sinners and confessors to get over their obsession with sex and think about other ways humans hurt each other in the world in which they live.
"There are many other sins that are perhaps much more grave that don't have anything to do with sex - that have to do with life, that have to do with the environment, that have to do with justice," he told AP Television.
Father Greg Apparcel, a local priest said that the Pope may have been talking About this aspect of sin as a response to the recent "Italian confession" survey.
Apparcel also hinted that the announcement may have a wider agenda ahead of the Holy Father's trip to the United States and his speech to the United Nations.
"There is some sound going around that perhaps he is going to speak about ecology and environment, and if he does, this is kind of preparation for that," he said.

Find this article at: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/03/10/vatican.updates.sins.ap/index.html

i saw this sticker in the subway yesterday.

Herbalism, Christianity and Islam started with a lie from Moses

Religion = War Evolution = Life

Our evolution started from waves solidified into hydrogen atoms

_________________________________

@)$(^)@($*?///?????

i enjoyed a concert last night with my friends at baryshnikov arts center, of hearing the casals quartet playing some kurtag & beethoven. i wasn't so hot on their beethoven but all in all, a good outing and a good time afterwards at a diner.

once my piano teacher at school told me that what you hear in your head needs to be translated into what you play, meaning what you think you hear in your head needs to be interpreted to what you produce on the piano. oh how many hours were spent trying to coax out what my head thought of a certain phrasing into reality! but it's true, that's what one must do. if you don't hear it in your head, of how it should be shaped, how it should be played, then you really have no guidance. if you're an artist and there's no internal "standard" (if you will), well, then you can't be an artist.

i was thinking of that last night as i was listening to the beethoven quartet. it's like that with one's spiritual journey, i guess. what you know in your head (knowledge) needs to be translated into your every day behavior and actions. otherwise, it's of no use to know it. and that's the hard part and that's where hours of "practicing" will have to happen.

it's a daunting thought but it's what it is!

today was my sojourn to the the Rockaways - and i'll say this - it was far, but oh so worth it!

i'll share with you of my journey in detail as i recommend the same trip for all.


first of all, it was a gorgeous day for a mini-trip!!!! okay here we go:

3:18 PM - i boarded the 4 train from 86th street-Lex stop (i was teaching before that). i was all ready with some pastries and a bottle of water. prior to my trip, i was given all sorts of advice: DON"T GO THERE! IT"S DANGEROUS! IT"S FAR! so, w/o the recommended mace, flashlight and other gadgets, i went ahead

3:36 PM - i caught the A train at Fulton Street/Brooklyn-Nassau station...but...


i had to get off at High St/Brooklyn Bridge stop (1st stop in Brooklyn) because i realized that i need the A train for "Far Rockaway," not "Ozone Park"

3:44 PM - i finally caught the right one and settled in for a long trip. i noticed that the train was full of all ethnicities, but i was the only of the EASTERN origin.

i started to listen to D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' sermon on Ignorance, Prejudice based on 1 Tim chapter 1 (Paul was prejudiced and blinded by ignorance, and MLJ used that example in comparison to the non-believers of this time. "They don't see the fact, defensive in their unbelief" etc.)

i noticed a crazy looking man (isn't there always at least ONE in your subway car?) reading a Hilary Duff fan magazine (yes, that's what the cover said). he was around in his 60's. yes, i'm not kidding

4:05 PM - just passed the Grant Avenue stop and then train went above ground!

4: 07 PM - just passed the 80th Street stop and first thing i see? A HUGE & VAST CEMETERY. found out it's a jewish cemetery (no link available for those who are truly morbid, and morbidly curious, yours truly included)

4:15 PM - houses near the Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge are big with boats - some are in bad shape but can you believe that i went through a "wildlife refuge" - within 10 miles of manhattan??

anyway, i was riding on the train parallel to the cross bay veterans memorial bridge (for cars) - it seems like a long one - probably a lovely drive during the summer

4:23 PM - arrival at Broad Channel station and started to wait for the S train to take me to Rockaway Park Beach 116 St stop. if it was during the summer, i could've taken a seasonal A train to that stop, all the way from the city, but because it's not, that A line only goes to the other side of the Rockaways (north) - which i was told to stay away from.

now do you see the seagull in the next picture? yes, i actually saw a seagull flying around the subway station...that meant i was near nature! perhaps if one lives near Coney Island you'll see something like this...MTA & seagull existing peacefully together...

4:29 PM - the S train (which is only 4 cars long) sped through the jamaica bay area. here are some pictures

after Beach 90 St stop, i started to see the Manhattan skyline so so clearly! it was actually so gorgeous! and it looked so tiny...and my thought was "and we all live there?? that's just crazy!!!"

4:37 PM - arrival in Rockaway Park Beach 116 St stop!

okay, so even counting the conductor, i was the 3rd and the last person coming off the train. i guess not many people come this way.

after coming out of the small subway stop, it looked like i was on 116th Street, which looked like a happening place. i spotted a Dunkin Donuts and a firehouse among many chinese restaurants and other mom & pops stores (i am being sarcastic...)

population-wise, it was all white - very strange, as my ride TO was pretty black. i felt like i was transported to some other era. everybody was all so friendly.

since i'm a right-y, i looked to my right. sure enough, a friendly store sign, that you know that you'll be okay. i'm talking about DUANE READE - OPEN 24 HOURS. so naturally, i walked towards that. that and also i saw the water, towards manhattan. it happened to be a park:

it's called the Tribute Park - for the fallen 9/11 heros - how fitting as it overlooks the Manhattan skyline.

then i walked back towards the station, asked how i can get to Fort Tilden, which they had no idea what i was talking about. i asked about the Park and they said, oh go over there. good thing it's pretty condensed (concise?) there, because i actually knew what they meant. i took Q22 (i was getting confused because i had just taken the A train through brooklyn, but then i realized, i crossed the borough line and now i'm back in queens) down the Rockaway Beach Blvd to Jacob Riis Park, which is near where i wanted to go.

to my utter but happy surprise, the houses on the Rockaway Beach Blvd were gorgeous, pristine and victorian. HUGE and well-kept, the streets reminded me of the houses in San Diego

passed 2 large synagogues. and i was the only passenger in the new bus - i felt like he was my driver! sure enough, he started to chat with me, and i found a ton of stuff! that:

• this peninsula (NOT an island!) used to be part of Long Island (not part of Queens) and had a different name!
• breezy point is the area name for the military base which is now defunct but for some reason people still live "inside of the base" (and i saw too)
• that those houses i just saw are true victorian houses, renovated (therefore huge), usually handed down by generation to generation, millions of dollars!!
• that in order to get to fort tilden (the place i wanted to go - read that article i linked under fort tilden above), one must walk (or bike)
• and beyond fort tilden is ANOTHER residential area, which you can only get by driving and very exclusive and that there's a mini shuttle bus that leaves right in front of the train station for $1 to whisk people there (now i'm curious)
• that there used to be a ferry service between the Rockaways and South Street Seaport
• when i asked about summer beach goers, whether if it'll be really crowded, he said, not really. not many people know about to come here

he was wondering if i were a journalist because i was taking photos of everything and writing down what he was saying! ha ha. he was flattered that someone from "the city" would come visit just for the sake of it. he said it's a great little neighborhood. and he was maybe in his 30's, a nice dude. friendliest MTA bus driver yet!

then i got off the breezy point final stop on the bus and he pointed to the STATE beach (jacob riis park), which looked pretty close so i started to walk...

it was about 10-15 min walk TO the beach, but it was so worth it! it was very isolated for me to walk there...but this is what i wrote in my journal later:

Beach was so tranquil and deserted. It was as if civilization didn't catch up to it. Seagulls lazing around, only moving as crashing waves came in - big cruise liners sitting majestically in the ocean, Atlantic Ocean! and to have sand beneath my shoes/feet in the middle of winter, while blistering wind slapping me in the face was exhilarating. I picked up 2 broken shells off of the beach and I felt so loved and treasured by my creator. Dusk was setting into the sand dunes and as I walked for another 10-15 min back to the bus, i felt a mix of apprehension of being so completely isolated and feeling so one with the nature.

earlier on, i had spotted a diner right near the train station, named (somewhat appropriately, i think) Last Stop Gourmet Shop. i went in, totally empty of course, but oh so friendly, and i ordered a beef gyro, without tomato. they gave me a magnet that was in a shape of a train with their name on it. ha!

coming back was a breeze, now that i've experienced it so far. i listened to D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' Power of Persecution (on Acts - first days of early church planting - and how churches these days should think, etc.)

overall, i highly recommend this trip. it's a lovely little getaway and it was really peaceful to be somewhere so far yet so close. A trains were pretty zippy too and i was surprised that so many people in the Rockaways were asking "how are you" to me. a true small town sign.

if any of you would like to see the pictures i took, please let me know. it was fun! and relaxing :)

what a great night!

look at 5th avenue...

had a wonderful time at my concert #1 (outta 8 in February) last night at Zankel. baroque music is sooooo awesome! beautifully sung and played. too many kissings though by the conductor. at one point, he actually shrugged his gallic shoulders and said from the stage,"i'm french." ha!

i'm obsessed with:

good luck trying to find it!

happy ash wednesday!

Psalm 51
Create in Me a Clean Heart, O God
To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love;according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. 6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. 7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. 14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; 19 then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

isn't this a beautiful hall? it's the rose theater @ jazz@lincoln center.

a few things tonight:

1. i saw this on the subway. someone's actually transporting a bookcase on the R train

2. just cuz one can at 10:05 PM, one should not eat a big piece of rice krispie treats. it's quite gross (like how i feel right now)

i just wrote a big one and deleted because suddenly i realized that blogging really is a waste of HUGE time. unless i'm steadily providing some insightful information, except for my own record-keeping, it's not worth any time for anything, really.

should i stop?

i love them. if i were a smurf, i'd be a...moody smurfette (or a Crazy Smurfette)

Happy birthday, Smurfs!
BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) -- The Smurfs -- led by Papa Smurf and Smurfette -- kicked off a year of 50th birthday celebrations Monday with Smurfberry cake and sasparilla juice.
The late cartoonist Pierre Culliford -- best known by his pen name, "Peyo" -- first introduced the tiny blue figures in a comic strip in October 1958. He called them Schtroumpf; they became known worldwide as the Smurfs.
The Smurfs, forest dwellers who live in little white-capped mushroom homes, developed their own "Smurf" language in which nouns and verbs were interchanged.
Their debut on U.S. television in 1981 launched their global rise to stardom and made the Smurfs a household name. A Smurf is a Pitufo in Spanish, a Schlumpf in German, Nam Ching Ling to the Chinese, a Sumafa in Japan and Dardassim in Hebrew.
"I think that if he could see all that has been done with his characters since his death and the success and interest that the Smurfs still attract, he would be very, very, very, very happy and very proud," said Peyo's son, Thierry Culliford.
To mark 50 years of Smurfdom, organizers are planning everything from a 3-D animation feature film expected to be released next year to new comic book collections and a remastered release of the popular 1980s television animated series, Peyo's family said.
Peyo's widow and two children will help kick off a European birthday tour in Brussels. The Smurfs celebration will continue in Paris and Berlin.
The Smurfs also will team up with the UNICEF to promote children's rights and education worldwide, said Yves Willemont of UNICEF Belgium.
"The Smurfs and UNICEF have a lot of values in common -- values about joy, happiness and respect," Willemont said. "We also have in common the fact that we are dedicated to the cause of children and to the promotion of every child and the right of every child to survive."
UNICEF and the Smurfs joined forces two years ago to raise the plight of ex-child soldiers in Africa.
Born in Brussels, Peyo worked as a movie projectionist before entering the world of comic strip drawing.
The Smurfs appeared as a supporting cast of characters in Peyo's 1958 "Johan and Pirlouit" cartoon, which was set in the Middle Ages.
The Smurfs quickly grew in popularity and by 1960, the Smurfs had their own comic strip series and. With the help of the Hanna-Barbera Productions, the Smurfs became an animated cartoon in 1981.
Thierry Culliford said the Smurfs promote love and friendship. He said many who grew up watching the Smurfs on TV during the 1980s and 1990s now are parents and want to introduce the Smurfs to their children.
Demand for Smurf stories continues, said Hendrik Coysman, managing director of IMPS, which controls the rights of the Smurf brand worldwide.
"Thousands of fans are asking for more stories and these will be based of course on the fantastic asset that Peyo has left us," Coysman said.
Peyo, who died 15 years ago, "would be very happy if he were here today" to see Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Handy, Jokey and the troop of 96 others celebrate 50 years of Smurfmania, daughter Veronique Culliford said.

i was at a conference last night and afterwards was a dinner at tavern on the green. it was okay. but i was in a hot seat for about 5 minutes, at a table of 10 people.

a good colleague, who is about 60, (well, basically i was the youngest person there, unfortunately) asked me:

"so seapea, who is your favorite presidential candidate" and everyone at the table turned to me and stared. mind you, there were a bunch of people from SF, CA, Chicago and of course NY.

so i answered: "unfortunately - actually fortunately - i can't vote, because i'm a canadian!" and everyone laughed. and this man said "if you could, who would you vote for? you seem like an obama kind of a person."

at this juncture, i'm very annoyed because i feel that this is a pretty personal question. and what does an "obama kind of a person" mean???

i replied: "sure...but i do have some very conservative values and views so i really can't say" and i had hoped this would closed the discussion.

and then he said "what about your american friends?"

i said: "well, i don't know about them, but all i do know is that a lot of them have joined a group called 10,000 strong against Hillary on facebook!"

and then this woman from SF, a bigwig (who is also gay, and incredibly high & mighty) said "what is the world coming to? what's wrong with the young people? don't they know that Hillary's the way??"

and with that exclamation, everybody went back to their fillet mignon/sea bass.

people, really - stop categorizing people. just because i'm in the arts does not mean i'm super liberal. just because i'm asian, does not mean i'm a republican. i will say this about all the candidates: i don't like any of them. and if i like something about someone, then i don't like the rest of what he or she has to say.

moral of the story: DON"T go there at dinner tables!

went to a dance film festival last night in tribeca. it was pretty interesting! a friend of mine was showing her film as a selection and it was a study of the relationship of dance and music. it was really good to see her and other fellow J alumns (but dancers). i brought friend H to the fest and she enjoyed it - EXCEPT! we really hated the avant-garde crap they showed at the end. the fun item, aside from my friend's work, was the viewing of feist's music videos. click here to see both which we saw last night, introduced by the choreographer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8Z-DIAthbM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWrNCCx2p5U

Job 1:21

..."Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman
- - -
Blessed Be Your Name In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
You give and take away You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name

Open Water by Thrice

- - -

Ten thousand men sleep down with Davy Jones, with stolen treasure they die

The open water chills me to my bones, but it's the only place that I feel alive

The ocean fog begins to disappear, I sense that terrible depth

The open water is my only fear, but I'll sail as long as I still have breath

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you- cause it gives and it takes away

Between the devil and the deep blue sea- I stare into the abyss

The open water is an awful thing, but I'm anxious 'till the anchor rests

I'm starting to believe the ocean's much like you- cause it gives and it takes away.

this is my theme for the year. this isn't new, but i'm really going to work on this:

...fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

today's the 5th day in boston - it's time to come home. this morning (and it's still morning), my brother started the rampage on how inferior everyone is, including my sister-in-law's friends. this is going to be one great household for my nephew to grow up in. i mean, i understand all families have problems and stuff, but how to deal with a dad (or in that matter, a husband) who'll constantly think all your friends are inferior?

this was a part of my parents' problems raising us: we couldn't even go to other kids' houses, because they weren't good enough for us. this is terrible of parents.

i can't wait to go to my tiny little apartment.

i'm laughing: my nephew's been running around for 30 min straight, screaming in happiness - totally randomly.

i'm scared.

i don't understand how most women don't wear rubber gloves when cleaning/washing dishes. i've been wearing a very "poor" one here in boston and my hands actually HURT - the skin feels like it's gonna tear and i'm very worried & sad. i've been applying a ton of hand cream but i don't know, it just gets sucked in and still hurts.

am i a princess?

poor hands!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life is tough with a baby. my nephew is adorable but high-maintenance. he's the energizer bunny 24/7 and he started the tantrums and he's only 20 months old. actually, he started the tantrums awhile back, when he was about 12 months old, so we saw it coming but now he's much faster and harder when tantruming. yikes.

he's the sweetest baby too, always coming to kiss you or hug you and when he sees a baby or kids or toddlers, he RUNS to them and touches them and hugs them and most often, the parents go "what the @$)(*t#$)(*t!!!!!" but some babies & parents like it. weird huh?

life in the 'burbs continues here on day 3, with going to malls, watching tv, dancing to baby music, playing house with nephew, working periodically, dancing more to baby music and clapping, doing dishes, laundry, more dishes, more laundry, never ending baby bathes, etc...

i dunno if this is the life for me!

i read the new york times every morning as i commute to work. i can never finish as my commute is pretty short. so i continue reading it at work and then chuck them.

i'm thinking of not reading the paper for the next 2 weeks.

i'm sick of seeing ads after ads about this diamond ring, that diamond bracelet, this leather handbag, that boots, etc. it's all about sales, all about what you "need," and what you have to get. like any consumer (=suckers), sure, i'd love those too. i want them, because i keep seeing it in the paper: page 3, always top right hand corner, tiffany's. page 2, bottom middle, cartier watches and the list goes on. i can't stand it. i just may have to boycott news for the next 10 days.

but then, i guess i can't listen to 106.7 Lite FM for christmas music either because it plays josh UGH groban and andrea PUKE bocelli.

can't please 'em all i guess.

i like to put in staples into staplers.

i feel very blessed tonight - but also very vulnerable. having a good friend makes you feel that.

my friend L is visiting from her native mexico city. we talked for 3 hrs tonight: first 1.5 hrs about her life; then she pressed me for mine. i gave my usual tidbit: life is dandy, i'm blessed, love my church, life goes on.

she kept pressing.

what ended up happening was 1.5 hrs well spent, not just talking about myself but really being honest with myself. i realized a lot tonight: i am very good at truly hiding myself, what bothers me, what makes me joyous, what makes me....i don't know, just everything. it's been awhile since i've had to totally face myself in front of another HUMAN being. many years of practicing "life is fine," has turned into "everything will be fine, if i keep avoiding my own issues."

it's my pride that keeps myself "in check." it's my unrealistic perfectionism that keeps me "in line." but it seems like a house of cards right now.

i feel incredibly foolish right now, yet i feel more focused.

a poem by vera pavlova

If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.

i cry a lot while watching movies, even tv shows. friends know of this. family thinks it's a personal weakness. today i cried in the middle of the afternoon, because i saw a great movie: August Rush.

expectations were low, very low. i honestly didn't think it was worth $11.25.

okay, to be completely and brutally honest, i don't know if it's worth $11.25. it can be a small screen stuff.

i think it touched me - many times - because of the story. without spoiling the movie, i can just say that it has to do with music, quitting music, teaching music, playing again, on top of everything else that goes on. and i just plain liked the story. good music too. very touching. i highly recommend it.

feeling very up from the movie :)

went to the thrice concert last night, except it wasn't to be. tres disappointing. then sat through the brand new set, which wasn't as good as their studio recordings. overall disappointing on a bitterly cold night. might have to go some other cities to catch them! hmph. i got brand new on the video for a few secs but i don't feel like posting it, only cuz they weren't so great to begin with. do all bands use orange lights for "light show" or were they trying to immitate massive attack? if they were trying to do the latter, well...find some other idea, cuz it doesn't really work.

beautiful saturday morning sky in my neighborhood.

my annual advent christmas candle has been lit as of this morning, along with christmas carols. YAYYAYAYAY

went to the philharmonic's concert last night, mainly to witness this gustavo dudamel phenomenon. the program was as follows:

Chávez:Symphony No. 2, Sinfonía India
Dvorák:Violin Concerto with Gil Shaham
Prokofiev:Symphony No. 5

first of all, i was sitting at the score desk @ avery fisher hall, which i didn't even realize it existed until last night. because the concert was sold out, i had gotten these 2 free score desk seats from my friends in the orchestra. am i glad that i went? that's the question to answer at the end of this blog.

anyway, sitting that high up, you get the entire view of the orchestra, as well as the audience. it was pretty packed and that means about 3000 people in the concert hall, including the musicians & backstage people. that's quite a lot. i was dreading the sound quality a bit as avery fisher ain't no carnegie, but surprisingly, it was okay! perhaps i should sit this far up often (NOT!).

chávez was a fun piece for dudamel to start off with. prolly a comfort piece for him to get his blood pumpin'. orchestra sounded carefree and relaxed. then dvorák with shaham started. the orchestra sounded like CRAP. i mean, i understand that usually when playing concerti, the orchestras aren't as well prepared, because they're only the "accompanying" partner and not the soloist. however, seeing in the program that they've played this piece with sarah chang about 3 years ago, shouldn't they sound more with it? the woodwinds & the brass sounded horrible, cracking and so on. shaham was smooth, too smooth. i don't like that kind of playing. it's too 'debonair' and it doesn't have that gypsy feeling, especially for this folksy piece. he should just stick with bruch, mendelssohn, maybe vivaldi. bright sounds.

i was looking forward to prokofiev, because i know it pretty well, having played it in the orchestra at school (tiny piano part, but it was worth all the boring rehearsal times, as pianists hardly get any experience IN the orchestra), plus it'd show off dudamel as the conductor - finally, something to look forward to.

i'll say this: he has a tremendous talent and opportunities ahead of him. i think big challenges too. he is musical, technically sound, but a big horse like prokofiev 5th, it's hard to keep it together, as fine as ny phil may be (strings sounded good, but really people, flutes screwing up? horns ALWAYS cracking? ugh...why do you even get paid $200K a year to play badly??), it takes a great "maestro" to keep it moving and creating something beautiful. i thought dudamel brought out some beautiful and skewed lines out of it (after all, this is prokofiev), but the players were messing up at some key moments (ugh, percussion group, get it together!).

bottom line: i'm glad i went to "witness" it but i didn't leave the concert with stars in my eyes (like i have before with Muti & Argerich). dudamel is worth the attention but people should settle down and let him grow up a bit. after all, he's only 26.

walked to the farther subway entrace this morning to work because there were yellow leaves everywhere on the streets in my neighborhood. it was beautiful and very peaceful and very fall-like.

lately, i've been itching & scratching (sorry to be graphic) and i finally had to face it today: i'm not supposed to wear any wool (unless merino) or synthetic materials, like polyester, etc. just silk, cashmere, merino wool, cotton only. aren't i so high-maintenance??

then i realized that i'm often like that with my problems. it constantly bothers how i handle certain things with certain problems, and they're consistently handled the same way. it's like my mind is itching & scratching yet i refuse to face the facts.

i'm one stubbornly dumb person.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11

Upon the sin among the Corinthians, see how they muster up themselves for the surprise and destruction of it (2 Cor. 7:11). So it is in a person when a breach has been made upon his conscience, quiet, perhaps credit, by his lust, in some eruption of actual sin - carefulness, indignation, desire, fear, revenge, are all set on work about it and against it, and lust is quiet for a season, being run down before them; but when the hurry is over and the investigation past, the thief appears again alive, and is as busy as ever at his work. John Owen

today was a day full of activities, beginning with an all-you-can-eat sushi (freshest salmon anywhere in the world!!!), then to hot springs and then ending with the car ride with a tape of my own playing, age around 16. HOW STRANGE! it was very nostalgic - wow, i actually sound professional. what happened? and it's funny how you remember every note - literally - and how it came to sound like that, etc. memories of lessons & specific incidents...wow, crazy!!! (that's my crazy parents for you - listening to my old tapes)

so basically today i spent all day with my parents and my grandmother who is 87. i realized that...as you get older, you become much more self-centered. boy, i thought i was self-centered but my parents & grandmother, they would each try to compete with each other to up-one each other's stories about who they were/are. it's cute but also kinda disturbing that i share my blood with these people and that i'll most likely be like them.

listening to the old piano tapes brought me to realize that...i miss it - the toil, sweat, blood...all of it :)

In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of his wonders, they did not believe. So he ended their days in futility and their years in terror. Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again. They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer. But then they would flatter him with their mouths, lying to him with their tongues; their hearts were not loyal to him, they were not faithful to his covenant. Psalm 78:32-37

this morning i had to get on the phone with UPS to figure out why they didn't come and pick up the broken computer (a long story) from my parents'. and i realized...wow, the canadian accents are THICK HERE! lots of O's and A's and all those vowels are so "properly" pronounced, so it was kinda funny.

today is beautifully sunny and nice.

it was a whirlwind of 3 days in LA - visit to the Getty Villa in Malibu, hiking in Griffith Park in Hollywood (and at the eye level of the Hollywood sign), visiting many friends (including my 1st serious piano student who is now a student @ UCLA) and eating good food. also listened to many of tim keller's sermons on wisdom. hmm. never thought sermons would be good things to listen @ the airports! now i'm in vancouver - rainy and cold & windy. how delicious! (of course, already stuffed with mom's cooking)

went to a hardcore "concert" - if one can even call it that. it was interesting. there's no frills, no "show" per se, just play, scream, and it's over. and people were actually into it. they themselves seem no-frills kinda people too - early to mid 20's. white. no real apparent anger issues as far as i can see. but i did notice one thing: passion.

i now can understand why the brooklyn pops is always talking about hardcore and christianity. if we could have that kind of focus (mind you, it's straight edge)...wow, i can't even imagine!

here's basically what i saw last night - couldn't bring in a camera, sorry.

good news: i took this test and apparently, i'm 30.113636363636363% insane.

i'm starting to get excited about my trip to LA (but not Vancouver). i'll be staying with my friend G and i haven't seen her in ages...about 4 months. but i'll also be meeting up with my first serious piano student, S! he's a student @ UCLA - and we found each other on facebook, of all places. he looks grown up - but still the same face! how cute! i'm sure he'll accuse me of mental trauma - i remember him crying at lots at lessons. poor guy. i was sad to hear that he stopped playing the piano since high school. what a waste!

apropos previous blog re: not liking babies, i think i really am a kid's person, not a baby person. babies frighten me - i think i'm going to break them in half. but kids, they're pretty cool - i feel like a big kid myself anyway!

after LA, it'll be Vancouver to see my folks. it's supposed to rain & snow. i guess i'll just eat & relax and be petted - yes, my parents still pet me like i'm a cat!!!

Songs of Praise
In that day you will say:"I will praise you, O LORD. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. In that day you will say: "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you." Isaiah 12

i love cats & dogs, kittens & puppies.

i don't like lizards, or snakes.

i love toddlers & kids.

i don't like babies.

i realized that i'm a very aggressive driver. mind you, i don't own a car. (you're thinking, "then...her statement doesn't make any sense!") but i'm an aggressive driver in a sense that when i do drive, i merge w/o problems - even at the last minute.

the correct thing to say should be that i'm a 'merger'. like in the Lex-53rd Street station, where there are 2 tall escalators. people line up and dutifully walk 3-inches at a time to get onto the escalator. i don't do that. i walk straight up to the front of the escalator, then i quickly merge. those of you who know me know that i'm not size 0, so i'm not that unnoticable. but this seems to work, because the key to aggressive merging is that

a) you do quickly, w/o any doubt or second-guessing

b) you don't make any eye contacts with the persons next or behind you (it's extra helpful if you're wearing a huge noise-cancelling headphone so you can't hear them curse you out)

have a stress-free merge-week!