went to the philharmonic's concert last night, mainly to witness this gustavo dudamel phenomenon. the program was as follows:

Chávez:Symphony No. 2, Sinfonía India
Dvorák:Violin Concerto with Gil Shaham
Prokofiev:Symphony No. 5

first of all, i was sitting at the score desk @ avery fisher hall, which i didn't even realize it existed until last night. because the concert was sold out, i had gotten these 2 free score desk seats from my friends in the orchestra. am i glad that i went? that's the question to answer at the end of this blog.

anyway, sitting that high up, you get the entire view of the orchestra, as well as the audience. it was pretty packed and that means about 3000 people in the concert hall, including the musicians & backstage people. that's quite a lot. i was dreading the sound quality a bit as avery fisher ain't no carnegie, but surprisingly, it was okay! perhaps i should sit this far up often (NOT!).

chávez was a fun piece for dudamel to start off with. prolly a comfort piece for him to get his blood pumpin'. orchestra sounded carefree and relaxed. then dvorák with shaham started. the orchestra sounded like CRAP. i mean, i understand that usually when playing concerti, the orchestras aren't as well prepared, because they're only the "accompanying" partner and not the soloist. however, seeing in the program that they've played this piece with sarah chang about 3 years ago, shouldn't they sound more with it? the woodwinds & the brass sounded horrible, cracking and so on. shaham was smooth, too smooth. i don't like that kind of playing. it's too 'debonair' and it doesn't have that gypsy feeling, especially for this folksy piece. he should just stick with bruch, mendelssohn, maybe vivaldi. bright sounds.

i was looking forward to prokofiev, because i know it pretty well, having played it in the orchestra at school (tiny piano part, but it was worth all the boring rehearsal times, as pianists hardly get any experience IN the orchestra), plus it'd show off dudamel as the conductor - finally, something to look forward to.

i'll say this: he has a tremendous talent and opportunities ahead of him. i think big challenges too. he is musical, technically sound, but a big horse like prokofiev 5th, it's hard to keep it together, as fine as ny phil may be (strings sounded good, but really people, flutes screwing up? horns ALWAYS cracking? ugh...why do you even get paid $200K a year to play badly??), it takes a great "maestro" to keep it moving and creating something beautiful. i thought dudamel brought out some beautiful and skewed lines out of it (after all, this is prokofiev), but the players were messing up at some key moments (ugh, percussion group, get it together!).

bottom line: i'm glad i went to "witness" it but i didn't leave the concert with stars in my eyes (like i have before with Muti & Argerich). dudamel is worth the attention but people should settle down and let him grow up a bit. after all, he's only 26.

walked to the farther subway entrace this morning to work because there were yellow leaves everywhere on the streets in my neighborhood. it was beautiful and very peaceful and very fall-like.

lately, i've been itching & scratching (sorry to be graphic) and i finally had to face it today: i'm not supposed to wear any wool (unless merino) or synthetic materials, like polyester, etc. just silk, cashmere, merino wool, cotton only. aren't i so high-maintenance??

then i realized that i'm often like that with my problems. it constantly bothers how i handle certain things with certain problems, and they're consistently handled the same way. it's like my mind is itching & scratching yet i refuse to face the facts.

i'm one stubbornly dumb person.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:11

Upon the sin among the Corinthians, see how they muster up themselves for the surprise and destruction of it (2 Cor. 7:11). So it is in a person when a breach has been made upon his conscience, quiet, perhaps credit, by his lust, in some eruption of actual sin - carefulness, indignation, desire, fear, revenge, are all set on work about it and against it, and lust is quiet for a season, being run down before them; but when the hurry is over and the investigation past, the thief appears again alive, and is as busy as ever at his work. John Owen

today was a day full of activities, beginning with an all-you-can-eat sushi (freshest salmon anywhere in the world!!!), then to hot springs and then ending with the car ride with a tape of my own playing, age around 16. HOW STRANGE! it was very nostalgic - wow, i actually sound professional. what happened? and it's funny how you remember every note - literally - and how it came to sound like that, etc. memories of lessons & specific incidents...wow, crazy!!! (that's my crazy parents for you - listening to my old tapes)

so basically today i spent all day with my parents and my grandmother who is 87. i realized that...as you get older, you become much more self-centered. boy, i thought i was self-centered but my parents & grandmother, they would each try to compete with each other to up-one each other's stories about who they were/are. it's cute but also kinda disturbing that i share my blood with these people and that i'll most likely be like them.

listening to the old piano tapes brought me to realize that...i miss it - the toil, sweat, blood...all of it :)

In spite of all this, they kept on sinning; in spite of his wonders, they did not believe. So he ended their days in futility and their years in terror. Whenever God slew them, they would seek him; they eagerly turned to him again. They remembered that God was their Rock, that God Most High was their Redeemer. But then they would flatter him with their mouths, lying to him with their tongues; their hearts were not loyal to him, they were not faithful to his covenant. Psalm 78:32-37

this morning i had to get on the phone with UPS to figure out why they didn't come and pick up the broken computer (a long story) from my parents'. and i realized...wow, the canadian accents are THICK HERE! lots of O's and A's and all those vowels are so "properly" pronounced, so it was kinda funny.

today is beautifully sunny and nice.

it was a whirlwind of 3 days in LA - visit to the Getty Villa in Malibu, hiking in Griffith Park in Hollywood (and at the eye level of the Hollywood sign), visiting many friends (including my 1st serious piano student who is now a student @ UCLA) and eating good food. also listened to many of tim keller's sermons on wisdom. hmm. never thought sermons would be good things to listen @ the airports! now i'm in vancouver - rainy and cold & windy. how delicious! (of course, already stuffed with mom's cooking)

went to a hardcore "concert" - if one can even call it that. it was interesting. there's no frills, no "show" per se, just play, scream, and it's over. and people were actually into it. they themselves seem no-frills kinda people too - early to mid 20's. white. no real apparent anger issues as far as i can see. but i did notice one thing: passion.

i now can understand why the brooklyn pops is always talking about hardcore and christianity. if we could have that kind of focus (mind you, it's straight edge)...wow, i can't even imagine!

here's basically what i saw last night - couldn't bring in a camera, sorry.

good news: i took this test and apparently, i'm 30.113636363636363% insane.

i'm starting to get excited about my trip to LA (but not Vancouver). i'll be staying with my friend G and i haven't seen her in ages...about 4 months. but i'll also be meeting up with my first serious piano student, S! he's a student @ UCLA - and we found each other on facebook, of all places. he looks grown up - but still the same face! how cute! i'm sure he'll accuse me of mental trauma - i remember him crying at lots at lessons. poor guy. i was sad to hear that he stopped playing the piano since high school. what a waste!

apropos previous blog re: not liking babies, i think i really am a kid's person, not a baby person. babies frighten me - i think i'm going to break them in half. but kids, they're pretty cool - i feel like a big kid myself anyway!

after LA, it'll be Vancouver to see my folks. it's supposed to rain & snow. i guess i'll just eat & relax and be petted - yes, my parents still pet me like i'm a cat!!!

Songs of Praise
In that day you will say:"I will praise you, O LORD. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. In that day you will say: "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you." Isaiah 12

i love cats & dogs, kittens & puppies.

i don't like lizards, or snakes.

i love toddlers & kids.

i don't like babies.

i realized that i'm a very aggressive driver. mind you, i don't own a car. (you're thinking, "then...her statement doesn't make any sense!") but i'm an aggressive driver in a sense that when i do drive, i merge w/o problems - even at the last minute.

the correct thing to say should be that i'm a 'merger'. like in the Lex-53rd Street station, where there are 2 tall escalators. people line up and dutifully walk 3-inches at a time to get onto the escalator. i don't do that. i walk straight up to the front of the escalator, then i quickly merge. those of you who know me know that i'm not size 0, so i'm not that unnoticable. but this seems to work, because the key to aggressive merging is that

a) you do quickly, w/o any doubt or second-guessing

b) you don't make any eye contacts with the persons next or behind you (it's extra helpful if you're wearing a huge noise-cancelling headphone so you can't hear them curse you out)

have a stress-free merge-week!

i love auntie anne's.** but i think this is too much.

A PretzelPerfectProposal
Love-Struck Man Proposes at Pretzel Perfect Location.
Maybe his name, Sven Stix, had something to do with his love of Auntie Anne's pretzels - and maybe that's why he found true love with Jala Peño.
Yesterday afternoon, Sven finally mustered up the courage to ask his long time love to spend the rest of her life with him. "I've known that I wanted to propose for a while now," he says. "But I just had a tough time finding exactly where and when to pop the question."It came to Sven while enjoying an Original Pretzel and Old Fashioned Lemonade™ at the mall food court. He decided to propose at the place where they met: Auntie Anne's! "I got down on one knee, and I told her that finding the love of your life is hard, but Auntie Anne's hand-rolled pretzels are soft - and so is the spot in my heart that I have for her. I told her we belong together like pretzels and lemonade."When asked about her response, Jala exclaimed, "I immediately said yes, of course! It was pretzel perfect, even the crew at Auntie Anne's thought so, they applauded for us."The happy couple said it's too early to know when they'll schedule the nuptials, but they know who they'll call first about catering their happy day. "Auntie Anne's, of course," Jala explains "that's where it all began."

**i love the original with no salt & strawberry lemonade.

why does the heat always make the things around it look blurry? i have a portable heater on my office window and it's making the window look like a wormhole. if i jumped in it, would i go to...

a) heaven
b) not heaven
c) candy store (after halloween, prolly empty)
d) none of the above?

"Should I Be Ambitious?" was the question of the bible study this morning based on Luke 14:1-11.

at first, the scripture doesn't look at all about worldly ambitions. but through discussion and studying, one realizes that:

1. The parable's first focus may be about humbleness but
2. The 2nd point is really about - and i guess this applies to ALL scripture - trusting your God. V. 14 says it all:"And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

So it's not just about being humble, being lowly (literally from the parable) - like trying to bypass a promotion, because you are "humble" - but it's about not seeking glory for yourself (ambition), for your own wordly gain (i mean with that specific goal in mind), but that with your trust in God, that God will exalt you when the time comes - at his own divine time. And that "Godly" ambition (which comes through trusting in God) is all about serving, like Paul gloryfing God and that through serving, you learn patience, forgiveness and inner peace.

Which all equals to pretty hard to apply in this real world - but i think it's about real attitude change - which will only happen through prayer, holy spirit's intervention and as usual, God's perfect timing.

With that lesson, I have to really become more serving at work - I do "serve" a lot, not for my glory but because in my nature, I'd like to help out. But at the end, my get annoyed with little things, impatient and certainly not with a "godly attitude."

So yes, we SHOULD be ambitious - for God's Glory and our change of attitude in servitude.

Okay, so that was a lot of jumble mumble what I'm basically saying is: FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT!

busy day today:

First, after church a yummy place, where I appropriately acknowledged that:

then off to some errands, and then walking on 42nd street, stopped by the freight fest @ grand central:

and then to walk by the bryant park skating rink:

then leisurely walking to the concert at the nokia theatre, and to my shock, this is what saw:

but it was fine to get in to see Senses Fail:

and New Found Glory:

a busy day (and sure, i can hardly hear outta my right ear, but oh well!)!

pretty michigan.

more than ever, i think i need to bunker down and start praying for my future. one clear goal in mind is to become a full time piano teacher. i just cannot do it here in nyc.

i've always been lazy about my prayers about my future: mate, direction, work. but it's time that i really get realistic and do H(ASK).

i'm figuring that in a couple of years, my greencard will come through, and by that time, all my credit & school debts will be gone. that'll be timely for me to perhaps move to another metropolitan city where it has a huge 'burb (thereby needing music teachers), perhaps pick up a high-paying assistant job somewhere to start saving, get to know the area, and slowly get adjusted to commuting by car/getting to know a good area for kids, etc. etc.

granted this is all talking outta my fat arse - because i know that i can continue to struggle and wanting this and that...but because of God's Perfect Timing & Planning, this may just be (another) waste of a post/thought/wish.

or perhaps i'm starting to get a grip on the word FOCUS at this old age!!!

suddenly i'm sad to thinking about leaving NYC after 20 years (by that time)...leaving my church and my friends. but alas, 4th chapter of my life, whether in NYC or elsewhere, will start, perhaps sooner than later.

God will provide. Faith.

it's 3:18 AM in the morning and i'm hungry. guess i haven't really had any food since 12:30 PM yesterday.

my stupid wisdom tooth is out. am i going to be wise now?

in korean culture, the wisdom teeth are called "love teeth." i once asked my mommy who told they're called that as "when you have the pains and take them out, you're ready for love." in my naivete, i looked forward to that day.

yesterday i was horrifield and nervous. perhaps two go in hand in hand.