life can be so frustrating. i don't know sometimes if i'm ignoring god's clear message and thereby struggling against it, all by myself, the little me.

i don't know why things cost so much. i'm not talking about wanting to buy a condo or even shoes or something like that. this whole immigration mess...it's always been costly. i have to really wonder, does god want me here? maybe he's saying, "listen, you just don't listen, do you! all this misery isn't worth it, so i'm telling you - through showing you how much things cost - to go back and do something else."

i really do wonder. i wish i could e-mail god and ask him what i should do. i guess time to really lay it out there with prayers. but i hate praying like that. being so whiny. ugh.

on top of it all, this whole frustration also makes me feel guilty, that i'm not even in that bad of a place to start with and there's a whole lot of people out there (you could be one, dear reader) who are just beyond...anything really, because you're suffering so much more, whether mentally or physically.

worries likes this make me feel so frivolous and stupid. and worthless.

everyone has a purpose in life. is my purpose to worry?

YUCK I HATE TODAY