Day 3 in the Beantown (as well as other days):

5 AM (6 AM on a good day): wake up by a 2.5 year old, jumping up and down
5: 01 AM - give him Yogurt
5:02 AM - watch any of the following in any order:
curious george
martha speaks
listen to either Mendelssohn violin concerto or Tchaikovsky violin concerto
5:45 AM - he starts whining "mama" in that drawn out voice and rattles the gates separating the living room and the bedroom hallway
6:00 AM - groggy parents are up, with the newborn (ironically, the newborn never seem to wake up!)
6:02 AM - my turn to "relax" a bit - go to the bathroom (finally) and grab a quick bite

from then on, it's "let's go crazy" mode mixed in with "let's tire the 2.5 year old boy ASAP" mode, mixed with lots of diaper changes (which he hates), interspersed with very bad POOPY diapers!

then lunch, preparing & feeding

then naptime for the 2.5 year old - which means, time for me to:

1. laundry
2. clean up & unload the dishwasher from the previous night
3. finally sit down & watch a movie and/internet
4. about to relax, then 2.5 year old is up!

then we have to do that "let's go crazy and tire him out at the same time" mode until dinner time

then around dinner time,

1. prepare the pajama
2. layout towels
3. prepare bath for him and get toys lined up as well as the diaper
4. coax him to get undressed
5. then scoop him up and get him in the bath
6. and hopefully he won't splash too much so you won't get soaked every night

then feed him dinner, then the parents play with him a bit, and i clean up, save food, clean up, load up dishwasher, then it's to say good night to the boy

then i sit down and go

OMG I CAN"T DO THIS I DON"T KNOW WHY I EVEN WANT TO GET MARRIED

and repeat...daily...

i love my little piano students. one had an outburst of frustration the other night and somehow, we managed to finish learning the christmas carol (i'm having all my piano students learn christmas carols before christmas so they can play for their families & friends!), albeit bouts of "NO!!!"s and tears & hiccups.

in that moment, i think "am i really cut out for this?" but that moment is gone when the kid is all dried up, happy to have accomplished something (however painful - for those 3 bars).

i'm grateful for parents too who stay away to let me battle it out with their kids!

all in all, i am blessed to do this! thank you my BIG DADDY!

i was looking for an old personal file on my computer and i found this (pasted below). i don't understand why i wrote this. where did this come from?!!?!? did i even write this??? i'm so weirded out...

The story begins where nobody can hear.

 

Have you ever sit in an empty room all by youself? Or worse, a room full of people, yet strangely still and empty. Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. Now you’re getting it.

 

Now picture this. This is where you’d find a Thomas. Yes, just A Thomas, a singular person whose name is Thomas.

 

Thomas likes to sit alone - whether in school or in his own small room - to ponder. Ponder, you say. What is he pondering about?

 

Well, Thomas likes to talk to his imagery friends who likes to ponder. So you see, it’s not exactly Thomas who is pondering.

 

The friends of Thomas are an opinionated - albeit invisible - bunch. They like to ponder and wonder. Thomas really likes to leave all his pondering and wondering to his friends. That way, he really doesn’t have to ponder or wonder at all!

 

One day, quite bored of his friends pondering and wondering so much around him, Thomas picked up his telephone and called “411.” That’s right, four-one-one: what you’d dial to get information on somebody’s telephone number.

 

“Hello, May I help you?” said a voice from the other end. Thomas replied “Hello there. This is Thomas.”

 

“Well, Thomas, may I help you find a number? Who are you trying to call?”

 

“I am not sure...I have all my friends here in the room, so I don’t need to call.”

 

“Thomas, how lucky you are to have all your friends in your room! Is today your birthday?”

 

“No it isn’t...May I ask you a question?”

 

“Why, aren’t you a polite little boy. Yes, what is it Thomas?”

 

“May I call you every day? I like making new friends.”

 

“Well, I suppose you can, Thomas. But whenever you dial 4-1-1, you will never reach the same person twice. Do you understand what I mean?”

 

“Yes, but do you think I can call this number every day?”

 

“Yes Thomas. You can. Well, you should go back to your friends, Thomas. They must be lonely without you.”

 

“Thank you...and good-bye!”

 

“Good bye Thomas.”

8:30 AM service is da best. it's totally quiet. not a soul stirring!

i am increasingly wrestling with my industry of "tooting your own horn AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE" while TRYING to live in a christ-like life (really...i AM trying, whether that's apparent or not). i feel so torn and lost whenever i am at work. i am increasingly not enjoying the work i do, as i feel it so...dead-ended (what's the real reward?) and really...useless in the big scheme of things. while i'm very good at my job, i no longer seem to be inspired to do the best i can, as i see it as "what's the use? it doesn't make sense in the long run anyway."

why am i becoming a pessimist???

how can i even be encouraging to the youngsters i deal with?

i am a walking hypocrite.

sigh.

i had one horribly graphic dream. now, graphic does not mean horror or gore or anything like that. rather, it was quite enlightening.

in the dream:

i was with friends - i can't remember any of them, except that i was in a group of really good friends, because i felt comfortable, loved and etc. etc.

then a person (male? female?) came up to me and said,

"you know, your chin is horribly misaligned. we must reset it and you're in luck! i actually happen to know how to do it."

i didn't believe this person. i said, "there's absolutely nothing wrong with my chin! it's just pointy, that's all."

and then other people around the group started to say "but it IS misaligned..." etc.

i felt so strange...not attacked, but somehow feeling that perhaps my perception of my chin was only MY reality. so i gave it a go - and i was FRIGHTENED.

so this person said "okay, try to loosen your jaw by putting your hands by your ears/cheeks and then i'll be cracking your chin. you may hear a big sound but do NOT - in under any circumstance - close your jaw! okay, we're all going to help here, so don't be frightened. it shouldn't hurt...i hope"

i was REALLY frightened and my heart was racing! but i said, okay i'll give it a try. and i kept going "ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU"RE DOING???"

so i was basically held down by a group of people while this person worked on my chin and i kept thinking, i'm gonna be horribly disfigured and it's going to hurt horribly. then

!SNAP!

and that was it! and i was like, what? and they said "yup, it's done and it's now correct!" and i felt my teeth weren't as aligned as before, but suddenly i felt so much better and i didn't even feel any pain! i was just more scared of WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, instead of what actually happened.

then i woke up.

and i think i know what that was all about...

what a beautiful morning today was. and yes it was indeed full of GRACE.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Cor 12:9

that is one verse that i thought i understood, but i'm nowhere near it. yet i continue to strive to understand and to live on. i am thankful for his grace.

i don't remember any other time in my life that i've felt such hatred of people around me towards each other solely due to their political party-affiliations. all about the words "hope" and "change" were discarded early in the campaigns and it all became hate, hating the other side, hating whoever didn't believe you, hating whatever the opponents said.

i'm glad that this will be all over by tonight.