yesterday's sermon on this was pretty incredible. i dunno why i was weepy the entire time!!! in my mind, so many things passed through my mind: me, others, me with others, others with others, God, God with me, God with others, etc. i mean, it's soooo familiar yet i don't think we really understand it, really firmly grasp it, really wanting to live it out, and/or doing it right now. there's always a challenge.

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast,* but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror, dimly,* but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

NRSV

i am trying to eat better, so no to dairy except goat milk/yogurt/cheese. i came across this on this yummy brand:

Winter Yogurt Shortage?
Goats on "Maternity Leave", busy having kids!
All goats are seasonal in their milk production and have their baby "kids" during the winter and early spring. We stop milking our goats during the last two months of their pregnancy, so they can rest and then give the milk to the new baby kids after that. We appreciate your understanding during this annual shortage period.

Isn't that nice of them! HA HA HA

just finished browsing through this magazine. this was a special issue, filled with advertisements for groups, etc.

i am so depressed. where do these groups think they're doing?

why are there so many of these chamber groups? managements? what do they honestly think, that they'll make money? fame? i sincerely doubt their "goal" in this field. sure we all grew up with the hope & aspirations of becoming an influential artiste of the moment. but what now? some of these people are well over the retirement age. why continue? what's fueling their ambition?

as a person who's "been there, done that," i just can't understand why people continue to form chamber music groups, even though they have about 1 date per season. what is this human vanity? why must we pollute the world with mediocrity?

if you have the real passion & drive, go ahead. but again, i so highly doubt these people's sincerity to serve the arts.

i guess it's like saying, why do we have so many unncessary number of accountants?

perhaps i'm just jealous that i'm no longer a part of this performing circle/circus.

perhaps i'm just frustrated that people are "in the dark" - like the people who constantly knock at my business and wanting to get "better known."

perhaps they're the lucky ones - whose heads are in the clouds, always dreaming of "making it," and (in their own way) creating something out of their artistic senses.

this is in a honor of getting to know so many aussies in the last 6 months. HA HA HA!

this is the time to be thankful about being a pianist...

Musicians Scramble to Cope
with Airport Restrictions
By Susan Elliott
MusicalAmerica.com
August 14, 2006


Security restrictions imposed on flights into and out of British airports are wreaking havoc everywhere, including the music industry. The Orchestra of St. Luke’s was forced to cancel its performances at the Edinburgh Festival and the Proms, on Wednesday and Thursday evenings, because of the ban on carry-on items. The Bolshoi Theater musicians, currently in London, are planning to get back to Russia by traveling by rail to Paris and flying from there. (Their instruments are “on loan” from the state; players are under contract not to check them.) A report on the Bolshoi musicians’ plight in BBC News prompts a string of responses, including one from cellist Stephen Isserlis, who is scheduled to premiere Wolfgang Rihm’s new concerto with Deutsche Kammerphilharmonie Bremen Aug. 15 under Paavo Järvi. Isserlis writes, “I am a cellist. I am travelling to Germany tomorrow to rehearse for a premiere of a new cello concerto, written for me, at the Salzburg Festival on Tuesday. I cannot cancel, because no-one else has learnt this concerto; I cannot put my priceless 18-century Italian cello in the hold - it would not be insured in there (as far as I know) and besides, to risk the desecration of such an irreplaceable work of art would be irresponsible and wrong. So I am taking the train tomorrow - a 10-hour ride, as opposed to the one-hour flight.”

Numerous other musicians (bagpipe players have been having a tough time all along), photographers, computer specialists, etc. cite similar tales of woe.

A security guard who declines to give her last name responds,“I am a security guard at Heathrow. If you don't like it, don't fly. This is happening for a reason and you're quick to forget it. If we were not doing this and a bomb did get on a plane, you would be quick to complain that nothing was being done about it. Get real, there is more to life than music.”

Meanwhile, as of about 8:30 a.m. EST today, British authorities eased restrictions on carry-on baggage somewhat and are allowing passengers to take one item measuring no more than 45 cm X 35 cm X 16 cm [17.72” by 13.78” by 5.91”] on board. Not all airlines have followed suit as yet, but most are expected to within the next 24 hours. Over a third of flights out of Heathrow International Airport have been cancelled, due to long delays going through security checkpoints.

While the carry-on news may sound good to certain wind players – flute, clarinet and oboe – most other instruments still are required to be checked in the luggage hold, a prospect most musicians avoid at all costs.

i just finished watching the season one of The Office. I WAS DYING LAUGHING. my office does NOT resemble this one, but it is fun to see the mundane on the small screen. i highly recommend it!

he wants to go swimming! auntie's coming soon!

back from the land of 5000 year history and what do i hear first? mr. mel in trouble. oy vey.

and here's a funny, kinda sad bit from Time:

Sunday, Aug. 6, 2006
Maybe We Should Just Make Mel Happy
Attacking anti-Semitism hasn't got us far in 3,000 years. It's time for some changes
By JOEL STEIN

Most times, when someone spouts off about how awful the Jews are, I blow it off as ignorance. If the guy just got to know us, he would totally dig us. We're funny and warm and smart and totally self-effacing. We send Ben Stiller to Iran for a few weeks, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will be opening up Noah's bagel shops in all the strip malls in Tehran. The only problem is that with just 0.02% of the world's population, we can't do nearly as many personal appearances as we'd like. That's why we took over the media.

But Mel Gibson knows us--personally. He's been in Hollywood for more than 20 years, virtually surrounded by Jews. If Mel doesn't like us, maybe it's finally time to stop blaming everyone else for the bigotry and scapegoating and start to look at ourselves. As the saying goes, If people hate you for 1,000 years, you can blame them; if you're persecuted for 2,000 years, maybe you're unlucky; but if they still want to kill you after 3,000 years, you have to ask yourself if you're doing something wrong.

So we Jews are going to have to make some slight adjustments to get on the world's good side. No more smiting our enslavers with locusts or refusing to convert during Inquisitions or giving ourselves Oscars for Holocaust documentaries. We've got to up our likability, get on people's good sides.

The first thing we have to do is drop the Chosen People™ marketing bit. It's not working. Not only is it not scaring people off as it was designed to do, but it comes off as sort of arrogant. I'm suggesting we change our official slogan to Just One of the Guys™ or the People Who Believe in Most of Your Bible™ or even the People Who, If History Is a Guide, Are Not Among God's Favorites.™ We'll need to get Karl Rove involved.

You know how a lot of Jewish performers change their names so they don't offend anyone with all that Jewishness? Emmanuel Goldberg changed his name to Edward G. Robinson, and Jonathan Leibowitz threw us all off the trail with Jon Stewart. How about if all the rest of the Jews do that too? I'm considering Joe Crockett. I also like the sound of Johnny Slayer. Plus, coming up with 14 million new names will be a kind of WPA project for all the Jewish writers. Because we have to back off the controlling-the-media thing a tad.

We could do ourselves a lot of good by stopping our whole Protocols of the Elders of Zion plan. It's been more than 100 years since the book has been out, and we have yet to come close to our goal of (I'm using the Iranian translation here) "extracting from the hands of the Lord many stars and galaxies." In fact, we have to yet to extract one single star or galaxy. Let's drop it! One of our methods of controlling the universe, according to the book, was to get people hooked on alcohol. And look how that backfired last week.

Also, we need to stop killing other people's messiahs. O.K., it was actually the Romans who killed Jesus, but we were there. And even if it had been us, you'd think the Catholics would thank us, since otherwise they'd have churches today full of statues of a bald old guy clutching his heart in hospice care, and who's showing up every Sunday for that? But still, it's better if we stay far away from any messiahs. Even if a guy clearly isn't the Messiah but is just saying he is--walk away. There's nothing to gain there.

Until Gibson told his arresting officers that "the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," I didn't realize that was our thing. If it is, let's drop it. I would have thought that the guy who made Braveheart, The Patriot, Gallipoli and When We Were Soldiers and has directed some of the most violent, angry scenes in cinema would love war. But I guess he doesn't.

And most of all, we have to stop this finger wagging at Gibson. Endeavor agent Ari Emanuel has written that no studio should work with him anymore. Bad call. We don't want to get in a battle here. In a popularity contest between Mel Gibson and Jews, it doesn't look good for the Jews. Better we laugh this off, maybe respond with a gibe at the Australians, like how they make simplistic, overly fruit-forward red wines. Then we all have a chuckle and subtly suggest another dead language for him to teach himself for his next movie. We've got to give that guy as much busywork as possible.

omg, how cool is this?!?!?!

last night was Night Two of no electricity. thankfully there was some nice breeze coming into the apt, but still not enough to cool down a heat-trapped apartment. i slept on the floor, or at least tried to, twisting & turning, wondering how the heck my ancestors slept on the floor 24/7. yesterday morning & this morning, i was so disoriented from the heat, weird sleeping position/area, it's a wonder that i'm in a good mood, period!

i dunno why but these kinda of thing always makes me cry.

yayyyyy!!!!

great bible study on friday night. learned a lot about myself - as usual. i realized that...i worry too much. that PLUS i vocalize it too much to those around me. in that sense, i get a) people tired hearing me yap about something that's completely out of their & my control and b) God reminding me - somehow, somewhere - STOP YAPPIN!!!!!!!!!!! HAVE FAITH!!!

si, senor!

Upload videos at Bolt.

life can be so frustrating. i don't know sometimes if i'm ignoring god's clear message and thereby struggling against it, all by myself, the little me.

i don't know why things cost so much. i'm not talking about wanting to buy a condo or even shoes or something like that. this whole immigration mess...it's always been costly. i have to really wonder, does god want me here? maybe he's saying, "listen, you just don't listen, do you! all this misery isn't worth it, so i'm telling you - through showing you how much things cost - to go back and do something else."

i really do wonder. i wish i could e-mail god and ask him what i should do. i guess time to really lay it out there with prayers. but i hate praying like that. being so whiny. ugh.

on top of it all, this whole frustration also makes me feel guilty, that i'm not even in that bad of a place to start with and there's a whole lot of people out there (you could be one, dear reader) who are just beyond...anything really, because you're suffering so much more, whether mentally or physically.

worries likes this make me feel so frivolous and stupid. and worthless.

everyone has a purpose in life. is my purpose to worry?

YUCK I HATE TODAY

i love my nephew!!!!

piano's gone! wah!

As a former professional piano student, I can understand the psychological effect of the athletes mentioned in the article (see below). I too used to have only one goal: of becoming a professional pianist. I practiced 6-8 hours daily on top of regular schooling. After graduating, I have completely lost the appetite to "train" myself again, even for my own enjoyment (I start to practice then I get frustrated that I'm not in that tip-top shape, therefore have to practice longer & harder and then just give up). The competitive edge which I had instilled in myself when I was so young no longer seem so attractive.

In fact, I don't think I'm competitive at all now - in anything! This is really bad!

BLAH~~~


July 6, 2006
Once an Athletic Star, Now an Unheavenly Body
By JILL AGOSTINO
THESE days the thought of running makes Howie Zebersky cringe. As an all-state runner from Long Island and a college competitor, he used to stop at nothing to outperform his rivals. But Mr. Zebersky, who hasn't laced up his sneakers in about a decade, knows that he'll never run as fast as he once did, so what's the point?
"When you run at such a competitive level and come back to do it at a recreational level, that is a hard transition to make," said Mr. Zebersky, 32, who raced for the State University at Albany almost every weekend of college. "With no goal, I find it hard to get out there. There's nothing to shoot for."
Karen Potenziano, who was an all-American lacrosse player at Ithaca College in upstate New York, feels the same. Without a reason to train and no teammates to push her, Ms. Potenziano, 39, a mother of three from North Yarmouth, Me., said, "I just can't seem to make it happen."
The dirty secret among former high school and college jocks is that many don't remain active as adults. In their glory days they were the fittest among their peers. But as adults many are overtaken by nonjocks who embrace fitness as a commitment to health, forget the varsity letter.
Onetime elite athletes often languish once organized competition is over and a coach isn't hounding them, sports scientists and exercise physiologists say. Many are burned out. Others become discouraged when their lackluster fitness can't compare to their highlight reels. Running on a treadmill in a sea of anonymous gym-goers doesn't compare to the thrill of being an m.v.p. on campus.
"Basically, they've been to the mountaintop and now they're on these little hills, and that is difficult to deal with," said Dan Gould, the director of the Institute for the Study of Youth Sports at Michigan State University in Lansing.
Extrinsic motivation is tricky business, said Dr. Gould, a professor of kinesiology. He said he has found that athletes who played for trophies or attention are more at risk of becoming sedentary as adults than people who have taught themselves to get off the sofa and exercise, those with "intrinsic motivation."
Stephen J. Virgilio, the author of "Active Start for Healthy Kids" (Human Kinetics, 2005), agreed. People who grew up without the stress of sports often enjoy hitting the gym, he said, but those who competed in athletics at a younger age have trouble exercising merely for upkeep, especially when many coaches don't emphasize fitness. "In high school and college, they do the sports to win games, not for personal health," said Dr. Virgilio, a professor of physical education at Adelphi University in Garden City, N.Y. "What happens when the sport is finished? They feel like they're finished."
While it may seem logical for disciplined competitors to continue a workout routine, experts say it takes significant reprogramming. "Exercise just seems to lack purpose or meaning," said Tom Raedeke, an associate professor of sport science at East Carolina University in Greenville, N.C. "It's pointless."
Part of the problem is that some athletes were more involved in the game than in the exercise, said Bill Karper, an associate professor of exercise and sport science at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro.
That seems to be the case with John Deodato. As a teenager, he played baseball every day, either with equally gung-ho friends or for his team at Sachem High School on Long Island. But after graduation, without his coach telling him to run laps, he didn't know how to motivate himself. No glove, no glory.
Mr. Deodato, who recently topped out at 265 pounds on his 5-foot-11 frame, is as surprised as anyone that he let himself go. "When I was young and in high school, I was always thin, always active," said Mr. Deodato, 41. "In a million years, if you had told me that I would get to be 100 pounds overweight, I would have told you you were insane."
He always assumed he would take up another sport, but after years of inactivity, he became discouraged. "I decided I was too far gone, and it just seemed too hard," he said.
When he retired in May — after 20 years as a New York City police officer — he felt he had run out of excuses. He joined Weight Watchers and started doing 40 minutes of basketball drills every day, as well as walking and bicycling. But he wishes it had never come to this.
Other players who tire of the ceaseless demands of their sport come to think of working out as punishment. "At some point they do the drudgery — the running and lifting weights — to please their coach," Dr. Virgilio said. "They have to change their attitude about fitness."
The fatigue can often be as much psychological as physical. "The training is very stressful," said J. J. Clark, the women's track and cross-country coach at the University of Tennessee, who has trained hundreds of elite runners. "They need a mental break. They don't want to have to worry about what time they get up or what they eat. A lot of them after long careers, they just say, 'That's it.' "
But taking too long a break from conditioning can be dispiriting for people accustomed to being better than average, making it even harder to start an exercise routine. "It's a case of 'disimprovement,' " said Dr. Raedeke, who worked with swimmers at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs. "It's very personal. It can be so discouraging to go into the gym and be lifting, maximum, what they used to be lifting for a warm-up."
It's easier for many former athletes to plant themselves on the couch and shout advice to the television. "They are still into their sport, but as a spectator," Dr. Virgilio said. "If they played football, they'll watch a lot of football, drinking beer and eating snacks."
But that doesn't have to be the case. John Nitti played football and baseball and ran indoor track in high school. Then he played football at Yale and was a National Football League running back for three seasons until he injured his knee. Once it healed, he started making time for exercise.
Now he plays basketball on Sunday morning and runs, bicycles and lifts weights before work. As a marginal player in the N.F.L., he said, he always did extra workouts on his own, and he remains a self-starter. Nostalgia also keeps him active. "It's the only piece of football that I've still got," said Mr. Nitti, who now works in information technologies. "I never wanted to let go."
For others changing activities can be a way to lower their ambitious expectations. It also provides a fresh challenge.
Barb Reichert, a former Division I collegiate softball player, won't step onto a softball field anymore. "My sport is no fun to play because my skill set is not what it used to be," she said. But in the last two decades she has dabbled in activities like hiking and mountain biking. "I watched some of the people I played with and see how out of shape some of them got."
Ms. Reichert, 44, a newspaper editor in Muskegon, Mich., said she still sees herself as an athlete. "And I love that my body does that for me," she said."
After she tore an Achilles tendon playing soccer five years ago, she switched to kayaking for miles on Lake Michigan.
Mr. Zebersky, the runner, is hoping to regain that passion as well. He says he misses running and lately has talked of starting up again. For now, it's just talk.

had a really relaxing 5 day weekend. it seems a bit surreal to come back to work.

yesterday was especially fun, playing taboo, pictionary and cranium. girls vs. boys, well we lost. i dunno why we can't win the stupid thickheaded baboons!!! (that was actually one of the words they got on pictionary!!!)

another bit of good news from the past weekend: i've sold my piano to a very enthusiastic woman for her 4 year old son (to be honest, that's a bit too young but i'm not his mom!). the room then will get ready soon for a roomie in about 2 weeks, before i depart for china.

i hope and pray that god will show me a GOOD roommie, not like the last one, someone whom i can possibly learn from, and vice versa.

i love rain :)

i've begun to read this book. it's a quick read, yet it's not. you know what i mean? i'm by nature a speed reader. i shared that fact with my home fellowship group about 2 weeks ago when we were talking about books in general. i think it has something to do with my musical training. because there are so many lines to read at once, you just have to grasp the (in this case, note) words right away. hence, the "speed" reader. yet i hardly really retain (unlike music reading) what the book's about afterwards. which is a bit frightening (because it's like eating empty calories). anyway, it's not a quick read, this one, but it's a quick in a sense that it's quite enjoyable, not at all laborious. i highly recommend it!!!!!!!!!!!!

getting up early in the morning on this sunny day, some random thoughts:

i love breakfasts, brunches. weekends are so wonderful for me to actually make some egg-y dishes. this morning, i made a really great omelette (great, in terms of...i cooked it - HA HA). i wish i had some chives. mmmm.

i love sunny mornings. they make you feel like you have the whole day in front of you.

i am a grown up now - in the kitchen. i finally bought a le creuset skillet, therefore the aforementioned "great" omelette.