it's been awhile! had a thought today on twitter.

i twit. but i find it very unsatisfying. first of all, i find it very limiting. i can understand its attraction yet, ulimately, i think it's very unchristian in its core.

here's why i think it:

1. it promotes instant _____ (gratification, result, news, etc.): now, we know we all live it, talk it, walk it - all to be instant but i think twittering just keeps promoting this incessant need to update, to see what's going on. i mean, don't we do that enough already on facebook?

2. it's all about you...and what YOU like. it doesn't have a broad appeal as a website, or yes, again, facebook. because it's run on keywords, your interest, you only seek out those who you want to befriend for your purpose. there's no getting to know process, because as mentioned in #1, it's just instant - instant update, instant "-ship" with another.

thirdly, i think it just promotes dead time. yes, i can say that about blogging, surfing the web, facebooking, but because you have to limit everything to 140 characters, you actually have to concentrate, think, and then write cleverly (lest others see your BLAH-comments - who'd want to follow you??) - all again, mental energy.

so i vote NO to twitter!

the ides of march has passed safely (and with lots of laughter & discussions, actually) and now we're pulling into the end of march. hrm. time sure flies.  it's almost too much going on to even scribe any! one day, we shall have a facebook or blog or whatever that can live-stream your thoughts...how chaotic would THAT be? and would people really want to know, if i'm suddenly hungry, or annoyed, or happy, or satisfied, all within 10 minutes?

okay that was just totally random.

Queensboro Bridge was my means of commute this morning.

Last night, I decided to walk to work - it seemed like a logical idea - the forecast showed a reasonable temperature and I've been meaning to walk on bridges for some time.

So armed with a good walking shoes, warm enough coat, and one hour of music (U2, Death Cab for Cutie, Linkin Park) as well as the noise-cancelling headphone (a must! think of all that traffic on the bridge), I started off on my exactly 3 mile walk to work.

8:07 AM - Left the Apt door and walked to the bridge, along the Northern Blvd. Approaching the bridge, I saw this whacked sign but oh-so-NY:

8:30 AM - I now approached the entrance to the pedestrian way at the Queensboro Bridge

It looked SO FAR OFF....
Almost at the top!
Now, finally going down...

8:55 AM - I touched down to the end of the bridge and took this photo, facing Roosevelt Island/Queens:

9:07 AM - arrived at my desk @ work.

Next bridge: either Brooklyn or Williamsburg!

it's been almost a year since my last foray into the "unknown" - trying to explore the areas near (and sometimes slightly far) me. now having lived in the greater NYC area since 1991, i just thought it's time that i get my butt outta my comfy couch on weekends and really do some sightseeing. i mean, who knows? perhaps i won't always live in nyc and then...i would've missed it all!

this weekend was my trip to flushing. yes, i've been there many a time yet never explored other ways to get there (aside from the number 7 train and by car). so i decided to explore the Q66 bus (which happen to also stop right in front of my apt).

but since i was a bit lazy on sunday, i decided to go by the 7 train first, then come back into astoria on the bus.

this is the 7 train station at the Roosevelt-Jackson Heights stop (this is where i transfer from my R/V/G line) - what a glorious day it was yesterday!

and by the shea stadium stop...on the left is the old shea stadium and now the new CITI stadium is going up (gone up?)...and you can see the debris from the old stadium in between. a bit sad, even if i wasn't such a Mets fan

arrived in flushing in about 15 min - yes, a very short ride and first destination was the Flushing Library (it's singularly the largest branch library in NYC area - it's part of the Queens Library, not New York Public Library). Quite modern, isn't it? I believe it's about 4 years old.  It's right in the smack of Flushing.

then i sauntered into get a taste of what the "largest branch library" had to offer me. This is a sample of the Korean/Chinese shelves - pretty crazy!

i consider somewhat of a library connoisseur (if there's such thing) and i was bitterly disappointed by my first destination in flushing. there were hardly any new fictions or paperbacks. disappointed and now hungry, i headed back out to main street to sample some local cuisine.

there are no pictures of the street food, as there were about thousands of people milling about, pushing to-and-fro and i would've been out of my mind to take my camera out and take pictures. it was as if i was instantly transported to the streets of Beijing or Shanghai. (Flushing used to be quite a Korea town...now the Chinese have taken over, pushing out the Koreans to the western LI area, such as Bayside, Great Neck, etc.) so i decided to head to a somewhat familiar place for a quick bite: tai pan bakery on main street (i've been to tai pan on canal in the city, but never had the time to grace the flushing branch one until sunday). i chose to sample a "Spam and Eggs sandwich":

YUM! the saltiness of SPAM and gooeyness of eggs went perfectly together on a freshly baked (and now toasted) bread. Now it was either time to explore further or to go back home to see the Northern Blvd that connects Flushing to Long Island City (via lower-east Astoria, where I live). I pushed about (well, "when in rome"...you know?) and really, aside from the smattering of chinese groceries, everything was the same sight as manhattan: a billion Duane Reades, Starbuck's, McDonald's, etc. so i decided to fold and take the bus home.

Q 66 is the bus! and now i was on board with camera ready to document any fun/weird/strange/awesome things on Northern Blvd.

Of course, the first stop it made was in front of this school:

and then another stop in front of this yummy looking (but decidedly ethnic) bakery where all these hispanic women were gathered together for their weekly/daily/monthly get-togethers (i'm only guessing)

and another stop going west, stopped by this store...frisby? what the heck is this? looks like a chain but it's nothing i've ever heard of?

and you know you're in the 'burbs when you see an old american classic as IHOP!

and...that was my trip. Northern Blvd was really uninteresting (someone told me this prior to my trip but i didn't believe her....). the trip from flushing to my place was about 45 min by this bus and suffice to say, it was not a good 45 min spent, but now i know.

next trip? i don't know...i may try to walk on bridges, as i have yet to walk on the George Washington Bridge and Brooklyn Bridge. and i live so close to the 59th street bridge, I should walk it too (although I did walk that bridge twice, fleeing from 9/11 and the Blackout).

Any suggestions?

my new best friend:
now i am able to have GRILLED CHEESE sandwiches...or even make "pizza'!!!!!!!!!!!

i had to look for redeemer's website (even though i kinda knew what it was, i just wanted to make sure by googling it) and this is the first hit on google:

redeemer.com

Ministry of Tim Keller in New York City. Online audio and other resources.
www.redeemer.com/ - 35k - Cached - Similar pages

THAT IS SO WRONG! "Ministry of Tim Keller?" They should say "Ministry led by Pastor Tim Keller." They've got to stop idolizing him!

SO. NOT. A. FAN. OF. THAT. CHURCH. HMPH.

i give up being the (wrong) sister to the "i'm always right" brother.

i'm amazed at mothers. i don't know how they do it. most of the times, i don't get them...how they're able to function, etc but a lot of the times i'm amazed at their restraint & gentleness.

gentleness is one of the fruit of the spirit which i struggle mightily with. i've been praying for gentleness for quite some time now (it's almost going to be a decade soon!) and i don't know if that'll ever happen. but i know all things are possible with God, so i have faith in THAT regard. however, being the sinful person I am, i highly doubt that i can really change! (oh the vicious circle of sinful human mind...)

for instance, i had to learn patience through dealing with piano students. yet i'm still impatient. i see a mother who admonishes her child but with gentleness and it's totally foreign to me. i don't know if i'd ever LEARN to be gentle? quite honestly, i think i'd be a horrible mother, fun at times but also screaming a lot of times. i don't know, it's all so hard.

it's all very daunting.

does this fall under faithfulness as well? faithful that all things will please god? will i be a pleasing mother?

wait a minute, i'm so FAR from being a mother, it's just not even worth considering, but i can't help but to consider. it's not that i WANT to be a mother - i'm just...AMAZED! sometimes...it's scary!

it's been awhile since i posted, and that means it's a 'fess up time.

this holiday season has been a very HUMBLING one (see the pix?) - i've been "stuffing" myself with many, MANY pieces of (humble) pie...

it's because of my Christ, i am able to forego my pride & ego and eat as MANY humble pies as possible!

so thanks lord Jesus for your unbelievable faith in me and giving me lots of...HUMBLE PIE!

Day 3 in the Beantown (as well as other days):

5 AM (6 AM on a good day): wake up by a 2.5 year old, jumping up and down
5: 01 AM - give him Yogurt
5:02 AM - watch any of the following in any order:
curious george
martha speaks
listen to either Mendelssohn violin concerto or Tchaikovsky violin concerto
5:45 AM - he starts whining "mama" in that drawn out voice and rattles the gates separating the living room and the bedroom hallway
6:00 AM - groggy parents are up, with the newborn (ironically, the newborn never seem to wake up!)
6:02 AM - my turn to "relax" a bit - go to the bathroom (finally) and grab a quick bite

from then on, it's "let's go crazy" mode mixed in with "let's tire the 2.5 year old boy ASAP" mode, mixed with lots of diaper changes (which he hates), interspersed with very bad POOPY diapers!

then lunch, preparing & feeding

then naptime for the 2.5 year old - which means, time for me to:

1. laundry
2. clean up & unload the dishwasher from the previous night
3. finally sit down & watch a movie and/internet
4. about to relax, then 2.5 year old is up!

then we have to do that "let's go crazy and tire him out at the same time" mode until dinner time

then around dinner time,

1. prepare the pajama
2. layout towels
3. prepare bath for him and get toys lined up as well as the diaper
4. coax him to get undressed
5. then scoop him up and get him in the bath
6. and hopefully he won't splash too much so you won't get soaked every night

then feed him dinner, then the parents play with him a bit, and i clean up, save food, clean up, load up dishwasher, then it's to say good night to the boy

then i sit down and go

OMG I CAN"T DO THIS I DON"T KNOW WHY I EVEN WANT TO GET MARRIED

and repeat...daily...

i love my little piano students. one had an outburst of frustration the other night and somehow, we managed to finish learning the christmas carol (i'm having all my piano students learn christmas carols before christmas so they can play for their families & friends!), albeit bouts of "NO!!!"s and tears & hiccups.

in that moment, i think "am i really cut out for this?" but that moment is gone when the kid is all dried up, happy to have accomplished something (however painful - for those 3 bars).

i'm grateful for parents too who stay away to let me battle it out with their kids!

all in all, i am blessed to do this! thank you my BIG DADDY!

i was looking for an old personal file on my computer and i found this (pasted below). i don't understand why i wrote this. where did this come from?!!?!? did i even write this??? i'm so weirded out...

The story begins where nobody can hear.

 

Have you ever sit in an empty room all by youself? Or worse, a room full of people, yet strangely still and empty. Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. Now you’re getting it.

 

Now picture this. This is where you’d find a Thomas. Yes, just A Thomas, a singular person whose name is Thomas.

 

Thomas likes to sit alone - whether in school or in his own small room - to ponder. Ponder, you say. What is he pondering about?

 

Well, Thomas likes to talk to his imagery friends who likes to ponder. So you see, it’s not exactly Thomas who is pondering.

 

The friends of Thomas are an opinionated - albeit invisible - bunch. They like to ponder and wonder. Thomas really likes to leave all his pondering and wondering to his friends. That way, he really doesn’t have to ponder or wonder at all!

 

One day, quite bored of his friends pondering and wondering so much around him, Thomas picked up his telephone and called “411.” That’s right, four-one-one: what you’d dial to get information on somebody’s telephone number.

 

“Hello, May I help you?” said a voice from the other end. Thomas replied “Hello there. This is Thomas.”

 

“Well, Thomas, may I help you find a number? Who are you trying to call?”

 

“I am not sure...I have all my friends here in the room, so I don’t need to call.”

 

“Thomas, how lucky you are to have all your friends in your room! Is today your birthday?”

 

“No it isn’t...May I ask you a question?”

 

“Why, aren’t you a polite little boy. Yes, what is it Thomas?”

 

“May I call you every day? I like making new friends.”

 

“Well, I suppose you can, Thomas. But whenever you dial 4-1-1, you will never reach the same person twice. Do you understand what I mean?”

 

“Yes, but do you think I can call this number every day?”

 

“Yes Thomas. You can. Well, you should go back to your friends, Thomas. They must be lonely without you.”

 

“Thank you...and good-bye!”

 

“Good bye Thomas.”

8:30 AM service is da best. it's totally quiet. not a soul stirring!

i am increasingly wrestling with my industry of "tooting your own horn AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE" while TRYING to live in a christ-like life (really...i AM trying, whether that's apparent or not). i feel so torn and lost whenever i am at work. i am increasingly not enjoying the work i do, as i feel it so...dead-ended (what's the real reward?) and really...useless in the big scheme of things. while i'm very good at my job, i no longer seem to be inspired to do the best i can, as i see it as "what's the use? it doesn't make sense in the long run anyway."

why am i becoming a pessimist???

how can i even be encouraging to the youngsters i deal with?

i am a walking hypocrite.

sigh.

i had one horribly graphic dream. now, graphic does not mean horror or gore or anything like that. rather, it was quite enlightening.

in the dream:

i was with friends - i can't remember any of them, except that i was in a group of really good friends, because i felt comfortable, loved and etc. etc.

then a person (male? female?) came up to me and said,

"you know, your chin is horribly misaligned. we must reset it and you're in luck! i actually happen to know how to do it."

i didn't believe this person. i said, "there's absolutely nothing wrong with my chin! it's just pointy, that's all."

and then other people around the group started to say "but it IS misaligned..." etc.

i felt so strange...not attacked, but somehow feeling that perhaps my perception of my chin was only MY reality. so i gave it a go - and i was FRIGHTENED.

so this person said "okay, try to loosen your jaw by putting your hands by your ears/cheeks and then i'll be cracking your chin. you may hear a big sound but do NOT - in under any circumstance - close your jaw! okay, we're all going to help here, so don't be frightened. it shouldn't hurt...i hope"

i was REALLY frightened and my heart was racing! but i said, okay i'll give it a try. and i kept going "ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU"RE DOING???"

so i was basically held down by a group of people while this person worked on my chin and i kept thinking, i'm gonna be horribly disfigured and it's going to hurt horribly. then

!SNAP!

and that was it! and i was like, what? and they said "yup, it's done and it's now correct!" and i felt my teeth weren't as aligned as before, but suddenly i felt so much better and i didn't even feel any pain! i was just more scared of WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, instead of what actually happened.

then i woke up.

and i think i know what that was all about...

what a beautiful morning today was. and yes it was indeed full of GRACE.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Cor 12:9

that is one verse that i thought i understood, but i'm nowhere near it. yet i continue to strive to understand and to live on. i am thankful for his grace.

i don't remember any other time in my life that i've felt such hatred of people around me towards each other solely due to their political party-affiliations. all about the words "hope" and "change" were discarded early in the campaigns and it all became hate, hating the other side, hating whoever didn't believe you, hating whatever the opponents said.

i'm glad that this will be all over by tonight.

i was in a pretty intense meeting the other day at the office. new clients came in with their board members, secretaries, etc. etc.

in the middle of the meeting, we were discussing about another organization that sprouted out of this current one (let's call this company, Company A), by the same orchestra member. i was aghast hearing about this and i just couldn't get past that the Company A was a) okay with it and b) still employeed that orchestra member (who is now head of the Company B - doing exactly the same thing). the reason why the orchestra member went to create his own Company B was because he wanted to the principal in his section and after getting a huge inheritance money, he decided to form his own Company B (instead of - let's say - giving the inheritance money to Company A and perhaps benefiting the entire organization).

the meeting went on, but i couldn't resist but to comment on how wrong that action was and to my surprise, everyone in the room said "Why? cuz he saw the opportunity and created his own? We're not moral judges here - everybody can do whatever it suits them" and just went on with the meeting.

i don't know what but it got me really shocked. am i this naive? i don't understand why they don't think it's so wrong! i'd be so so upset with that orchestra member!!! but apparently not.

am i just really uptight? i don't get it! please enlighten me!

Psalm 94

The LORD Will Not Forsake His People

1O LORD, God of vengeance, O God of vengeance, shine forth!

2 Rise up, O judge of the earth; repay to the proud what they deserve!

3O LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked exult?

4They pour out their arrogant words; all the evildoers boast.

5They crush your people, O LORD, and afflict your heritage.

6They kill the widow and the sojourner, and murder the fatherless;

7 and they say, "The LORD does not see; the God of Jacob does not perceive."

8 Understand, O dullest of the people Fools, when will you be wise?

9 He who planted the ear, does he not hear?He who formed the eye, does he not see?

10He who disciplines the nations, does he not rebuke?He who teaches man knowledge

11 the LORD—knows the thoughts of man, that they are but a breath.

12 Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O LORD, and whom you teach out of your law,

13to give him rest from days of trouble, until a pit is dug for the wicked.

14For the LORD will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage;

15for justice will return to the righteous, and all the upright in heart will follow it.

16 Who rises up for me against the wicked? Who stands up for me against evildoers?

17 If the LORD had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

18When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up.

19When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

20Can wicked rulers be allied with you, those who frame injustice by statute?

21They band together against the life of the righteous and condemn the innocent to death.

22But the LORD has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge.

23He will bring back on them their iniquity and wipe them out for their wickedness; the LORD our God will wipe them out.