just heard a blast of trance "music" as a person drove by me - i don't understand the attraction to it as a "musical genre." but i do have a question, which i hope SOMEONE out there will be able to answer for me: as the driver drove away, the "tune" (really, i have to put everything in a quotation mark as i don't believe it's "music" or "tune" or "genre") got distorted a bit. what's that all about it? why is there a sound distortion? i've never noticed that before. it was very slight, perhaps a quarter-"tone" (oy vey, even the "tone" is not real!!).

listening to 2 sermons by sinclair ferguson this morning: 1 on james 1 and one on colossians 3. he is SO AWESOME!

okay i'll just come right out & say it: I'M TIRED of WAITING on people. whether i'm HOME or WORK or TEACHING, i am waiting on people: not literally waiting for them to show up, but waiting on their NEEDS. why must i always be the one to PICK-UP, FOLLOW-UP, INITIATING, etc.? i know that i'm very GOOD at it, but c'mon people: STEP-UP. i need a break.

even with all my good intention of wanting to be a full-time piano teacher, times like now really give me a pregnant pause. my little piano students' recital is coming up in about 10 days and tears are flowing freely as well as indignantly pursed little lips. i don't know how mothers do it and i don't know how full-time teachers (of any subject) do it. you want to be able to cater to each child's individuality, but even with 5 students, i'm having a hard time. and this recital is at someone's home, not even in a hall! so there's nothing to arrange, in terms of logistics. but brother, if this happens with 5, then i don't know how i would deal with some 30+ kids that i'd eventually like to have. i'm discouraged. and my work possibly not being able to move to an upper east side office in july has also discouraged me. perhaps god doesn't want me go "down that road" - i'm praying and being faithful, but i have to admit that it is discouraging. how many times have i typed "discouraing"?? i'm going to go repent now.

i've started to teach 2 new students about a month ago.

one is a 80 year old woman, who has a mild dementia and a horrible back pain. her neurosurgeon suggested that she either take piano or chess. she chose the former as she knows how to read music.

the other is a 7 year old girl, who has a major speech impediment, mostly due to mild retardation. her parents didn't say anything about her being "handicapped," but by now, it's quite obvious.

with these two, i'm struggling. with the dementia, the OW (older woman) is constantly forgetting where she is. not only that, she mixes her hands so she sometimes plays the clefs mixed(!!!!) - so right hand is playing the bass clef and the left is, etc. the very first lesson, i was in my "teaching mode," very straightforward, but i quickly realized that's just hurting her - even though the hurt is very momentary, due to her short-term memory problems. so i've begun to coax her, as if i'm cajoling a little kid to behave well just for the moment, so that later that kid can get sweets. i'm really wondering if this really does have any effects? i know that oliver sacks has worked and documented extensively on brain & music works, but i'm a bit helpless here.

the girl is very enthusiastic about piano lessons as i teach her as if i'm teaching a 3 year old. she's unable to read yet so even learning the note's names (7 alphabets) is a tremendously challenging. and (i'm guessing) due to her retardation, physically, her fingers are unruly. i don't know if and when this condition will go away. i don't expect her verbal skills to improve but perhaps physical impediments will not get used to playing the piano as well.

i need lots of prayers!

went to a small group leader/teaching leadership meeting. i had gotten there impulsively when a friend told me i should attend.

well, it was daunting. and i have to be honest: i don't find many things daunting as i don't usually go out of my usual comfort zones. but this was outside of it and to learn that leading a small group is not that of a group leader but actually in a pastoral/teacher role...yikes. i'm a good piano teacher, but a BIBLE TEACHER? when that day happens, jesus will be with us.

but i guess there's a reason why i went and i will trudge along...

it has come to my attention tonight that the ridgebacks (dogs) have...ridged backs!!! so basically, the fur on their sides grow soft in one way and suddenly on the TOP of the dog goes the other way...so it's ridged...WHAT A CRAZY IDEA! YET THERE IT IS!!!! i was bowled over. amazing. how did god create such creatures? did noah have a pair of them in the ark? or is this the result of cross-breeding/pairing/mating? fascinating!

wait, i wonder if us human beings also have "ridgebacks" too....hrm.