God is great. he is truly wise. he moves hearts like nobody can.

tonight, i decided (after many gulps & would-be scenarios in my head) to talk with my roommate. just ALL OUT.

that talk, which i was going to have for 10 minutes, ended up being 45 minutes.

the end result is that she was smiling and i was happy.

this is what happened:

i approached her and asked if we could talk and she was very cautious about saying yes. after me standing by her doorway and her still sitting at the desk, i asked her, "i feel like...you really resent me. and i'm wondering why." then this is HER story:

that she came here, for the first time ever, out of her parents' house, and wanted to start CLEAN, in every sense, with her schooling & being independent. what she found was that, while the room she rented was clean, other parts of the apartment was not clean according to HER standard. then she was busy cleaning every weekend of the first month of her being in a new city and instead of enjoying, she was cleaning on her knees and i was like "whatever" about it all.

my rebuttal to that was:

why does she have to clean like that? i never asked for it. 2 roommates who lived here never complained about cleanliness. and yes, when i moved to this city, my dorm was brand new so i never experienced anything like what she was talking about.

so i told her: listen, i don't want to make anybody feel resentful towards me, whether i consciously know it or not. and i think we have to agree we both had a completely two different views on what's clean, what to expect from each other (or in my case, not to expect at all). so i think this isn't going to work out

she agreed very sweetly and honestly. see, she's not a biatch. she was just mad that i was like whatever. i guess i'd be mad too if i'm trying to fix something and she was like "whatever."

so the conclusion is this: i'll draw up a new amended roommate agreement which exclude:

1. her obligation to find a roommate for sublet (she is leaving earlier for her internship than she though, so she was apparently stressed about that point in the agreement but didn't bring it up to me)
2. her being here for minimum of 6 months
3. but keeping the 45 day notice for each side.

then she really opened up about how it's not me, really, but it's new york city. commuting is getting to her and she just wants her own space, cleanliness and all, all in a bundle. she wants her own things, etc. i said, hey, look at the bright side: you saved some bucks by living here. so she was happy about that.

we're all set now. i'm glad i approached her. i'm thankful for god!